


If Stars Never Gleam

by Evangel10n



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Flirting, Ballroom Dancing, Banter, Ben Solo Loves His Mom, Ben Solo Loves Rey, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Jackass, Bratty Rey (Star Wars), Christmas, Christmas Party, Christmas Presents, Christmas Tree, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Shenanigans, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Exes, F/M, Hair-pulling, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Leia Organa Ships It, Mutual Pining, Parent Han Solo, Passion, Rey Loves Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Rey is a Mess (Star Wars), Reylochristmas, Romance, The Solos Are Filthy Rich, childhood enemies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:27:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28300866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evangel10n/pseuds/Evangel10n
Summary: “Rey, I never threw you away. I love you. ”Rey is invited to spend the holidays at the Solo estate with Leia, Han, and their awful son, Ben. Ben Solo and Rey Palpatine both loathe each other with ferocity backed up by years of being childhood enemies. Will this be the year they settle their differences, letting the past die once and for all, or will they crash and burn?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 50
Kudos: 121
Collections: Reylo Readers & Writers - The Marvellous Moodboard Event





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theresonatinglight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresonatinglight/gifts).



> Hello everyone and welcome! I first wanted to give LexiRayne2187 a HUGE thank you for making this all happen. She has been an AMAZING beta who really kept me on track and motivated me to give it my all. She has been such a dream to work with and is such a sweetheart. Thank you, again. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this story! Merry Christmas, y'all!!!
> 
> And look at the BEAUTIFUL mood board theresonatinglight made for me! Thank you for inspiring me!

December, Rey Palpatine’s least favorite month of the year. Not because she hated the cheer and yuletide that came along with it, she was no Grinch, but because it sorely reminded her that her home was depressingly empty. Growing up this would be the time that her childhood home would be filled with the smell of spruce trees and cider, but now it bore no lights or even a tree. Christmas was sullied, darkened around the edges, not as bright as it once was. Rey was absent-mindedly stirring her coffee at the kitchen island thinking of the last _good_ Christmas she had with her family. She shook the picture out of her head, trying not to dwell too much on why Christmas was no longer a happy occasion, when her cellphone rang. Rey took her hand off the spoon and cast it towards the device sounding happily off to her left. She picked up the phone flipping it over to see that her Aunt Leia was calling. Leia was not her real aunt, but her late mother’s best friend. She took a thumb, swiping the answer button upward, and lifted the phone to her ear.

“Hey, what’s up, Leia?” Rey greeted her aunt with a forced tone of happiness, hoping Leia could not tell the difference. 

“I was just calling to check up on you, sweetie, and see how you were doing,” Leia said with a rich, earnest voice through the speaker. Over the years Aunt Leia had taken up the part of a maternal figure in her life, and Rey was thankful for it. Having Leia and Han in her life was wonderful, but their son, Ben, was another story entirely.

“Yeah, I am doing fine, just having some coffee. Hey, do I need to bring anything for next Friday? Maybe wine or a nice cheese?” Rey quickly turned the subject to the Solo’s annual Christmas party. 

It was the biggest event of the year that the whole town looked forward to. It was always the largest, most extravagant, and luxurious party. God knows how much they spent on just one party every year; more than Rey with her bachelor’s in English earned, that’s for sure. The Solo’s money had come from one of Han’s crazy ideas of investing in Apple back in the ’80s, which was not so crazy after all. All of that had afforded them multiple extravagant houses in which to throw outlandish parties, a plethora of expensive cars, the nicest designer clothes, and the most premier private schooling for both Rey and Ben Solo. 

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I am sure the catering company has all that sorted. All I need is for you to show up and enjoy yourself. Do you think you would be able to come early?” Leia asked. “I have a surprise for you.”

"Er–" Rey began confused. "Yeah, that should be fine. What time do you want me to be there?" Rey rolled her eyes. A surprise from Leia could mean anything, but one should not expect anything less than extravagance and perfection. That is the only way her aunt did anything.

"How about the whole day before? That way we can all spend Christmas Eve together. Doesn’t that sound nice, Rey?” Leia’s voice turned happily mischievous as she spoke. 

“I also expect you and Ben to get along. I do not want a repeat of last year. You two nearly broke all my fine china! Honestly, you two fight like siblings.” The mischievous tone was gone now, replaced by a warning and stern tone as she spoke. 

Rey’s face twisted into an angry expression at the thought of Ben and their huge fight at last year’s Christmas party. Ben Solo was the most arrogant and narrow-minded person she had ever known. They had gotten into a discussion, that for Leia’s sake had started off civilized, about the party and he had given her the backhanded compliment of _“I wish I could be as easy-going as you, but then I would not be where I am today.”_ He couldn’t help himself for just _one_ evening, but then again it was Rey that started throwing anything at him that was within her reach 

“I will if he will,” Rey said bitterly as she clutched the beveled edges of her cellphone tighter in her hand. It was not fair, it was him that couldn’t stand to not egg her on every chance he got. 

“No, Rey, don’t be childish; you must rise above the circumstances. I will have a talk with Ben about his behavior, too,” Leia lost her composure after a moment and started to chuckle as she spoke again, “Ha, I bet he is still sore about you clocking him on the head with the teapot.” Rey could not help but laugh a little herself at the image coming to her mind.

“Well, I will see you Thursday, right?’ Leia continued. 

“Yeah, sounds good. See you then.” Rey agreed. The two both said their goodbyes and ended the call. Rey placed her phone back down on the kitchen island and picked up her mug and brought it to her lips, sipping the hot coffee carefully. She was feeling better after having talked to her aunt.

Growing up with Ben Solo was not a choice. Their mothers had been friends since high school, so it would only be natural that once they both had children that Ben Solo and Rey Palpatine would spend time together. Since they were toddlers, they would fight over toys or who got to be on the swing. At dinners, they would throw their food at each other and both their mothers would scold them. As older children, he would pull her ponytail and laugh at her mismatched socks or her overalls. As teenagers, thankfully, he had given her the silent treatment and shoved off to his room every time her family came to the Solo’s mansion. 

Yes, Rey and Ben Solo had never gotten along, they were enemies for as long as each could remember. After the death of her parents, however, there was a small moment for the first time when Ben was genuinely and selflessly nice to her. Without being ordered to do so by his mother, he called to check up on her, sent over their chef to cook for her, and even let her cry on his shoulder but only the one time. It was a time of weakness Rey wished to forget. Twenty-five years of loathing had made her embarrassed that she let him see her cry even if it were over the most tragic event of her life, that is how deep-rooted but petty their disdain for each other ran. 

Rey turned to the black envelope on the counter that sat opened off to the side. She picked it up as she set the coffee mug down onto the counter. With a sigh, she pulled out the elegant invitation from Aunt Leia and read it over for the second time.

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

Rey picked up her weathered Jansport backpack and the garment bag from the trunk of her beater Honda Civic and shut the lid with her free hand. The Solo’s driveway was a large circle that backed up to an expansive double wooden door that was beautifully decorated with a large wreath and life-like garland. The rough stone steps were adorned with large ornaments varying in colors and sizes that led up to the entrance. Before Rey could raise her hand to ring the doorbell, the Solo’s young and thin butler, Hux, swung open the door with deadly stealth. His black suit, perfectly pressed, and his immaculately coiffed red hair combed over; not a stitch was out of place. He gave her a small bow of his head and, with a white-gloved hand, he gestured her inside the foyer of the Solo’s mansion. 

The foyer was a large inviting circular room that sported creamy walls, marbled floors, and a winding split staircase on either side that followed the rounded walls. Rey set her backpack and garment bag on top of the table in the middle of the spacious room. Hux silently took her bags from the table and snuck off up the stairs. Rey took a moment, despite having been here many times, to look at the painting covered the walls. On top of the landing above her hung a hand-painted portrait of the Solo family, although each of them was much younger in it. Leia sat elegantly in front of her towering husband and Ben was sitting in his mother’s lap with a pout. He wore that same face when he suddenly appeared on the landing above her and caught sight of Rey. 

“Rey,” he greeted her sourly as he descended the stairs. Rey tracked his movements, his tall and dark figure stalking down the stairs and his loose black curls bouncing with each step. 

“Benikins,” Rey retorted spitefully, knowing his mother’s pet name angered him. 

A sly, cocky smile slipped over her lips as his expression grew darker as if warning her to shut her mouth. But he did not say a word about it. She took it as a win. Leia had obviously talked to him about getting along for Christmas. If there was one respectable thing about him, it was that he loved his mother and father and would do almost anything for them. 

“What are you doing here, dummy? The party is not until tomorrow.” He shot back at her as his eyebrows furrowed over hooded brown eyes.

“Wow, dummy? We are stepping up our insults, aren’t we, Benikins? For your information, your mother invited me to spend Christmas Eve with the family.” Rey crossed her arms tightly over her chest as she spoke. Ben balled his hands into fists at his side. Usually, he would fight to have the last word, but he feared his mother more than he cared to start a fight with Rey. 

“Nothing to say, huh? This must be really difficult for you, Ben.” Rey’s arrogant smile grew wider as she watched Ben go red in the face and a vein began bulging under the skin of his temple. Rey could see the anger welling up inside of him when he opened his mouth to say something. But before he could say anything, Leia strode into the room wearing a white satin pantsuit with a golden poinsettia brooch pinned to the breast of her jacket, clearly getting into the holiday spirit. 

“Oh, when will you two ever stop fighting? Honestly, you are getting too old to be acting like children.”

“Sorry,” both Rey and Ben muttered as their heads dipped in shame before they shot sour glances at each other.

“Now,” Leia tilted her chin up, giving off a poised and dignified look of elegance, “Rey, if you would like to settle in, dinner is in about an hour. Ben, your father needs help in the garage.” Leia subtly instructed, but the two of them sat still for a moment still eyeing each other with disgust. Leia opened her mouth again, but this time her face twisted into frustration. 

“Chop, chop—now!” 

Ben and Rey jumped at her tone as they practically ran away out of the foyer. Rey’s feet pounding on the deeply stained oak steps as she headed up the stairs. She skipped over the last step as her feet touched down on the landing, driving towards the hall. The passage underneath the portrait was the same cream color as the foyer that was connected to a long corridor running east and west. Rey stepped into the long marbled floor hallway looking out the windows that seemingly took up the entirety of the wall and looked out into the large garden that was as sophisticated as her aunt. It was her pride and joy, second to her son of course. Drawing nearer to her room, the West Wing hallway echoed with her steps as she walked passsed busts of craggy old men set upon pedestals and numerous works of fine art. 

The West Wing corridor ended with another hallway that led to a series of various drawing rooms, parlors, and bedrooms. Rey always stayed in the White Room at the Solo Estate due to its rustic French country qualities. The solid wooden door was painted in an off-white color and ornately carved with filigree wrapped around an engraved bouquet of flowers. Rey turned the old-fashioned ovular brass knob and pushed hard on the ancient door that always stuck. The White Room had been made up for her arrival with the gauzy curtains pulled back over the french doors at the far end. The classic four-poster bed’s linens had been freshly laundered and the pillows fluffed. Her garment bag and backpack were carefully placed on top of the pure white duvet. 

It was going to take all her strength to be civil with Ben for the next two days, she thought as she plopped onto the fluffy comforter. Rey wondered if Ben would even try to be courteous or make an effort to put the past behind them this year. No, that was ludicrous. Them? Start over? Twenty-five years of being arch-nemeses? Never going to happen. Rey sighed loudly as she brought fingers up to her temples, trying to figure out a game plan for the next two days. Would avoiding him be the par for the course? The Solo’s annual party was a huge event, practically the whole town was invited, surely she could lose him in the crowd. 

But what about tonight? Traditionally, Christmas Eve was reserved for compulsory family time. She sighed again. Maybe she would just circumvent any interaction unless completely necessary, say asking him to pass the salt or the bread at dinner. Rey turned her head to the right, staring at the light grey painted wall and wondering if Ben hated the fact that her room shared a wall with his as much as she did. She had only seen his room a handful of times over the years; it was monochromatic, sporting dark greys and blacks. It matched him perfectly; dark and gloomy, and utterly incapable of any happiness springing from it. 

Rey sat up trailing her arms behind her, taking in the delicate quality of the duvet with her fingertips as she went. She looked down at the hem of her t-shirt meeting the waistline of her light wash jeans before figuring she should settle in per Leia’s instructions. She got up, skirting the edge of the bed as she walked towards her bags to unzip the old backpack. Once she retrieved her toiletry bag, she headed for the door of her room. The hall was barren of a single soul, something easily comprehensible in a mansion this size, as she went straight into the small bathroom stationed across her room and Ben's. 

The quaint bathroom matched the rest of the house, old-fashioned with modern touches. A white porcelain clawfoot tub with polished chrome feet sat at the back of the room under a stained glass window. The room was tiled with muted grey subway tiles and a large mirror adorning the white marble counter. Rey set her bag down on the counter, unzipping the canvas bag and digging through it. She sifted through various makeup items and skincare products before she unpacked her toothbrush, placing it in a simple polished metal holder. 

Rey looked up at herself in the mirror, eyeing her reflection. She looked tired with slight dark circles shining through the light layer of foundation. Christmas always did this to her, bringing her past with it every year and exhausting her entirely. She went to the elastic wrapped around her hair, pinching it in her fingers as she took hold of the loose bun in the other, and detangled it from the messy bun. Her dark brown hair cascaded onto her shoulders in waves. There, that looked better. She wiped the mascara out from under her eyes and peered out the stained glass window before she peeked out into the hall. 

Her eyes were met with a large man leaning his shoulder against the frame of the door, glaring at her with intense hooded eyes. Despite being out of the office, he wore a pressed white button-up tucked into casual black slacks and burnt caramel wingtips. Their eyes locked, neither of them backing down from the apparent challenge. Rey's eyes furrowed at him as if asking, _what do you want?_

Equaling her expression, Ben answered her with, _you’re hogging the bathroom, get out_. 

Rey gave him a frustrated look of annoyance as she walked past him, wholly over the wordless conversation. She shoulder checked his sturdy and broad torso as she passed. It was like hitting a brick wall, unwavering, and deeply rooted. She shot him a glare and asked, _really?_

But he just stood there, with the same expression as if to say _yes, really_.

Rey scoffed at him as she sidestepped past him. _Jerk_ , she shot him one more narrow-eyed glance over her shoulder as walked out into the corridor. Ben was looking, waiting for it with a cocky smile plastered on his _stupid_ face. She did not know how a man could anger her with just one look. It burned her ears, made her muscles feel jumpy, and her stomach roar with anticipation. But he had closed the door on her, signaling that he was done and had his fun riling her up. Rey let out a frustrated grumble as she stomped into her room, slamming the solid wooden door behind her. God, he is the worst. He continually does this anytime they are together; it was a never-ending dynamic between them. Rey was tired of all the fighting, the backhanded compliments, and the discourteousness. That’s it. She’s done. The next time that pompous, beastly, spiteful _boy_ says another word to her, she would let him have it. No, she would not hit him or use force, but unleash twenty-five years of words she had held back. Maybe that would shut him up for a few years and make him think twice before he opened his mouth again. 

Rey pressed herself against the door, squeezing her eyes closed to the room as she took deep, measured breaths trying to settle herself. She focused on the air filling her lungs, allowing her emotions to subside. She hated the way he made her feel around him; angry, always so angry. At least she tried to be civil for Leia and Han’s sake, but when they were not around Ben was at her throat. It just did not make sense to Rey. Ever since they were kids, he was the instigator. Whether it be him pushing her down or making fun of her clothes when they were kids. Now, it was snide comments sprinkled here and there or catching him watching her with what appeared to be disgust. 

She took one last meditative breath, casting away thoughts of Ben Solo, before she strode to the bed and promptly falling onto it with a huff. For a moment her eyes studied the tight weave of the duvet, following the creases and loose gauzy flyaways of the fabric. Her thoughts began to slow as her breathing steadied. She relaxed into the lush bed. She needed this, time away from home to sleep in a house that has happier memories attached to it. Her parents’ home this time of year always felt suffocating and darkened by their passing. 

Her eyelids grew even heavier as her sight lost focus, the duvet disappearing from beneath her. The edges of her vision blurred as she tried to fight the sleep that was begging her to give in to its intoxicating hold. Under its encroaching influence, she figured that it would not kill her to be late to dinner. 

_Rey found herself in the ballroom of the Solo mansion, walking the perimeter by firelight and examining the exquisite paintings that took up the entirety of the lengthy walls. She stopped at the sight of the expansive gold-painted doors opening with a hollow creak, light pouring into the dimly lit room. Rey stared at the tall man, his face concealed by darkness as he leaned against the frame watching her. His white tuxedo jacket danced with shadows from the fire as he stood there. Who was this stranger? His presence filled the large ballroom like a looming force that encompassed her, stopping her where she stood._

_His magnetism drew her curiosity, made her want to run to him. Instead, she lifted her satin-gloved hand inviting him closer. She felt like she needed him to come closer. She should be afraid. She should ask him his name. She should run away, but none of that mattered as the man kicked off the frame of the door. Taking slow, controlled steps towards her. The light of the fire brought life to the man, illuminating the brilliant white of his tux and deepening the blacks of his lapel and trousers. A large hand rose to meet her delicate hand, taking it with ease. He brought it up to his bowed head, kissing the back of her hand with gentle lips. Black curls fell around his face, further concealing his identity._

_His lips meeting her hand sent a rippling wave through her that made her heart jump. The stranger lifted his lips from her hand and looked back at her. He was familiar, but she could not place where she knew him from. His long, angular face and heavily hooded eyes all directed at her as if he were waiting for her to say something. Rey felt like she needed to ask him something. Something about what she ached to do, but she was frozen by deep brown eyes boring into hers._

_“May I have this dance, Rey?” He asked, his rich voice only a murmur in the expansive room that consisted of only them._

_The question sent exhilaration through her, her stomach fluttered. It was as if she had spent her whole lifetime wishing for him to ask her. She tilted her head down and curtsied to him, accepting the offer. She moved outward, still tethered to her partner by his grasp, and pausing only for a moment to take in the full sight of the stranger before twirling gracefully into his body. His hand took her other as she settled into the opening of the dance. The man leaned sideways bringing them into a backward lunge, her body supported by his lean frame making her feel weightless in his hold. She looked up with big eyes to see the glint of passion burning like the fire a few feet away from them._

_He brought her body back to the ground. It was so natural for them to be here, holding each other in the privacy of the ballroom._

_Rey’s body knew the steps without hesitation. Casting herself to spin delicately out of his grasp, feeling joyful as her richly colored red ball gown billowed out with her. Their arms extended, hands intertwined, and bodies parallel to each other. Their gazes were locked with each other. Without withdrawing his fiery stare from her, he walked her around the room with an arm tucked behind him. Each step was light as he introduced her to an empty room. He stopped, pulling her back into his body. He placed his large palm firmly at the small of her back, shifting his hold on her other hand. Rey placed a gentle hold on his shoulder. Her partner pushed his weight into her, leading her into the first steps of a waltz. Rey moved with him, never taking her eyes off of his unceasing regard as they began to move backward and forward, left and right, feeling the passion in their thoughtless steps._

_Her heart beat with ferocity as they commanded the length of the room. His hands were warm, his breaths controlled, his eyes reading hers like a book. It felt like he had awoken her from a deep slumber, bringing her back to life with each movement. He made her feel like a woman as he twirled her within the box steps of the waltz. He was confident in his loose, yet careful steps and Rey followed him with ease as if they were born to dance here in this room. As their steps grew faster, she spun with him, the paintings disappeared, the walls melted away, the floor gone. It was only them, moving with each other’s bodies. It was seamless, enthralling._

_His hand at her waist clenched as he pulled her into his body. She did not miss a beat in their effortless steps as her body pressed into his lean mass underneath the fitted tux. It was only them now, dancing away the world. It felt like it was always meant to be him, here with her as if multiple lifetimes led her into his arms. His hold told her he loved her tenderly, his breathing said he relished in the passion of their waltz, and his eyes said he needed her desperately. Her breaths turned heavy as her body responded to his piercing eyes hollowing her out, replacing her insides with the need for him, this stranger, but equally a man whom she felt she knew completely._

_They found themselves back at the start, the last set of their steps coming to an end. With the final step, he brought her close to his torso before leaning his body into hers and bringing his hand to her back. Rey dipped backward, trusting her partner fully, as she arched her back over his broad palm. Her posture was as delicate as a midsummer rose as she brought her hand off his shoulder and extended her arms outward. She held the pose effortlessly. Her eyes followed the graceful movement and, for the first time, her eyes left his. It felt colder than before without the heat of his stare as she looked at her gloved hand._

_Rey’s arm instinctively came back in towards his shoulders at the same moment he was pulling up and back into his body. Her eyes roamed upward slowly as he drew her in closer. She counted each black satiny button of his shirt, examined the knot of his bowtie, traced the muscles in his neck, took in the light stubble of his chin, the pillowy quality of his lips, followed the straight line of his nose before her eyes met deep brown ones looking back at her. Somewhere in there swirled amazement and a primal hunger as she met his fixed gaze. It made a shiver run up her back and her hard breaths hitch in her chest. He had frozen her and lit her on fire all at the same time._

_“Rey,” he said in a remarkably velvety voice that commanded her body. She vaguely realized that the walls of the room and the paintings had rematerialized around them._

_“Yes?” She replied breathlessly, wishing his next words would grant her her dream come true._

_His hand on her back, he pulled her in, reeling her closer to his head bowing to meet hers. Black eyelashes drew over his eyes as he grew nearer, his proximity exciting her further. Rey shut her eyes too as the soft padding of his lips met hers. They were warm and inviting as they pressed into hers with yearning. She met the man’s intention in equal measure as she kissed him back. It felt like the universe had exploded within her chest, burning her insides as she let out a soft moan._

_“Ben…”_

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

Rey jolted awake as if she had had a terrifying nightmare. Her eyes flew open to the same stark white coverlet she had fallen asleep on. _It was just a dream, thank God,_ she sighed. What was with that dream anyway? Her mind skipped to the end of the dream and her breathing seized in shock. The passionate kiss they shared still felt as if it lingered on her lips, still burning with intensity. Her heart was pounding against her breastplate and blood racing through her body. If she despised his very presence and detested his character… then why did Rey feel as if she liked the way his hands and lips felt on her? In a few words, Rey was freaking out. Her stomach lurched with nerves and her mind was spinning with images from the dream. God, she was going to have to face him soon for dinner. She felt like she was spiraling out of control when a well-timed knock sounded at the door.

“Miss Palpatine,” Hux called through the door, “Dinner will be served shortly.”

“Thank you, Hux,” Rey replied trying to hide the fact that she was clearly losing her mind. 

Rey listened as the butler’s retreating footsteps grew quieter, she stood up smoothing her shirt with shaking hands. She raised her fingers to her hair, combing them through her tousled locks hastily before she slowly made her way to the door and the whole time dreading seeing Ben after her dream. Okay, she was going to act natural, pretend nothing happened. She mumbled to herself as she walked down the corridor. To get to the dining room from here, the fastest way would be to head deeper into the West Wing of the house, take a right down the hall and take the servant’s back stairs. But Rey did not take the fastest way as she tried to prolong the inevitable. Instead, she made a right into the short hall connecting the running corridor to the foyer.

The sound of her steps descending the staircase echoed loudly off the walls as made her way to the ground level. For the first time in months, she was acutely reminded that she could feel sexual desire and the need to share a passionate kiss. However, it is regrettable that it was a sensual dream starring Ben Solo that relit the fire. As if _that_ would ever happen! Not that she wanted it to with him, of course. 

Rey followed the short passageway underneath the landing of the stairs that opened up into the grand room directly ahead. From here Rey skirted the round wall to her right, now following the hall running parallel to the stairs. She felt rotten for making Han and Leia wait on her, but she dreaded what, more like _whom_ , she was going to see. The hall opened up into a generous dining room that matched the rest of the mansion. In the middle of it ran an ornately carved table with two header chairs at each end and four chairs on either side. Leia, Han, and Ben sat collectively at the far end. Han at the head, Leia at his left, and their son to his right. Both Leia and Han greeted her with warm smiles as she took her place next to her aunt. Thankfully, Ben did not give her the slightest attention. 

"Finally, kid," Han said playfully picking up a fork, "we were about to send Hux off to see if you got lost." He finished with a bite-sized piece of Christmas ham in his mouth as Leia chuckled at her husband's remark. Rey forced herself to laugh along, trying to throw them off the scent of the embarrassing and less than PG-rated dream about their son. Their son who sat just across from her, eating his dinner in silence.

"Rey, dear, aren't you excited for tomorrow?” Leia asked as Rey sat down next to her. “Oh, darling, it is going to be simply wonderful and the biggest one yet." 

"Why do you waste money on such frivolous things like an obnoxiously huge Christmas party?" Ben spat at his mother.

"Because, Ben, it makes people happy. You could benefit from actually allowing yourself to enjoy things for a change. Honestly, honey, at least pretend like you care." Leia retorted.

"So, Han, how's work? Did your new app launch yet?" Rey asked, trying to change the subject before Leia and Ben could start a row.

"Well, it's going, that's for damn sure. I won't bore you with the muck of it all, kid, but for the most part it's been good. Millennium launches after the New Year and it seems like it’s getting a lot of traction on the web. So, Chewie and I are very excited. Ben here is owed almost all the credit. It was his idea to thrust the company into the present-day. He said ‘The whole trading business was antiquated.’ He worked closely with most of the divisions on the development of our app,” Han beamed at his son, thrusting a heavy hand at his shoulder and patting it.

“I’m proud of you, son.” He said wholeheartedly to Ben before turning to the candied yams on his plate. Rey never knew it was his idea to launch the app. She did know, however, that he was a work-obsessed killjoy. But now, she was distinctly aware of his broad, slim frame underneath the pressed white button-down and how his breathing made the shirt contract over his chest.

“Wow, I didn’t know that. That's great, Ben, congratulations.” 

Rey picked up one of the two forks at the side of her plate, no matter how many times she had dinner with them she never knew which was the correct one for the main course. She tried to focus on the perfect saltiness of the spiral ham, casting out the idea of Ben’s lean body. She concentrated on the taste of the candied yams, pitching out how sweet his lips had tasted. She tried to think about how smooth her wine was, throwing away the velvety sound of him saying her name. She continued to drink from her glass deeply, finishing it and setting down the delicate stemmed cup. The whole table had turned to look at her with an expression of worry spread on their faces; well, at least from Leia and Han. Ben eyed her with a sour look on his face.

“Rey, honey,” Leia began, “Are you alright?”

“Hm? Oh, yes. I’m okay. The wine and food are just really good.” 

She made no attempt to make eye contact with Leia. Her heart was pounding and her core shot a wave of exhilaration up her spine at the images playing in her head of the dream. Suddenly, Hux appeared at her side filling her glass with rich red wine before disappearing again with deadly stealth. On the outside, it looked as if the group was silently enjoying a nice dinner, but Rey’s insides were in an uproar. Her emotions warred in her heart, a confusing mixture of want and disgust for Ben Solo. 

“Rey, what’s going on?” The same voice from her dream sounded in her ears, almost distant to her. Rey’s wide eyes shot to the angular face of Ben, who looked freaked out by her uncharacteristic behavior. It is not that she could say how his voice made her body respond to him and how it confused her. He held his polished fork loosely in his grip, his forearm rested casually over the table, hair hanging around his face framing the same deeply intense eyes from her dream. 

“Why do you care?” Rey replied more harshly than she had meant to. Her tone hit him forcibly, contorting his face into an appearance of… hurt? Was he actually hurt by her? Ben looked away from her, the pain still plastered on his face as he turned back to what was left of his food. An awkward silence fell over the four of them as they finished their food. 

After dinner, the Solo’s and Rey had moved into the grand room. Leia and Rey sat on a long off-white linen sectional sipping glasses of wine while the men sat off to the side in walnut leather armchairs drinking scotch. The grand room was a large square room with towering ceilings that was beautifully decorated with life-like garland and a huge twenty-foot tree. The Christmas tree was lit up with warm lights winding down the branches, burlap ribbon spiraled around its width effortlessly, silver and red ornaments sprinkled intermittently, and a grandiose star at the very top. The tree filled her with glee as she looked it over, letting it fill her with its luminous presence. Rey glanced over at Ben, unable to stop herself from stealing a look. His large frame was slumped back into the chair with one long leg crossed on top the other. His long arm hung over the rest of the chair, one hand holding the crystal tumbler.

He looked regal, demanding her attention, and his strong profile was pleasing to her eye. It was just a dream, so how had it changed her outlook on him so completely? She couldn’t deny that it had awoken something, stirred something within her. Rey tried to focus her attention on the large fireplace encased in marble that had been engraved with an ornate pattern decorating the mantle that was propped up on carved life-like lions. But the fireplace, despite its singular beauty, seemed to be unable to hold her attention as unconsciously she turned back to Ben Solo.

Ben turned his head, catching Rey looking at him. She could only imagine what her face looked like because his countenance twisted as if to say, _What are you looking at?_

Rey replied with a look trying to hide her intentions as she said, _Nothing._

Ben’s face turned into a cocky smirk, _What? Do you like what you see?_

At this point, Rey let out an audible scoff at him, _You would like that, wouldn’t you?_

Ben Solo’s smirk turned into a grin, _Never._ He sat up in the armchair, bringing his long leg back to the ground as he looked away from her. Another wordless conversation over. 

“Now, I think it is about time for presents. Don’t you think, Han?” Leia turned to her husband who looked at his wife over the rim of his glass.

"Here, here!" Han exclaimed, agreeing with his wife, as he rose his glass into the air. 

Leia set her wine glass down on the coffee table in front of her as she stood up, straightening her white pantsuit. Everyone watched her as she crossed the room to the towering tree where she started picking up presents wrapped in white paper with silver scrolling. There were not many underneath the tree since it was only the four of them every year. Leia brought a small stack for Ben first. One large gift with two smaller ones stacked on top, one of which was from Rey. Next Leia brought Rey a stack of her own. Two gifts, the largest box on the bottom was heavy in her hands as she took it from her aunt. Han was given two small boxes in the same wrapping. Leia walked back to the tree, reading the tags on the parcels, smiling as she picked them up carrying them back to her spot on the couch.

"Alright, honey, you first," Leia said to Han with an excited smile on her face. Rey turned to look at him to see his face light up as he tore into the first gift. He unwrapped a new iPhone with a confused look on his face.

"That one is from me and mom," Ben said, sipping his scotch.

"Well, what's wrong with my old phone?" Han replied pulling out his reading glasses and putting them on his nose to further inspect the box.

"Dad, your phone is ten years old. Trust me, it's time."

"Yeah, well, it works just fine," Han grumbled under his breath as he turned the box over in his hands.

"Don't be such a sourpuss, Han. You'll love it eventually," Leia asserted. 

Han only mumbled something about how if it ain't broken, don't fix it before he turned to his last gift. Rey sniggered to herself about how old-fashioned he is. Han tore the wrapping paper carefully revealing a plain, small box. He handled the lid, pulling it off to reveal a pair of gold die strung together by a fine chain that was meant to give the owner good luck.

"Oh, kid," he rumbled happily, "I can't believe you remembered! Thank you. I'll hang this on my rearview mirror the first chance I get!" 

Rey was happy to hear it, "I’m glad you like it.”

“Alright. I will go next,” Leia said gleefully.

Leia went on to unwrap her three gifts. She got a new tennis bracelet and matching earrings from Han, a smartwatch from Ben, and a silk paisley ascot from Rey. Leia brought a hand to her heart and looked truly touched at the wonderful gifts her family had given her and thanked them. Next was Ben, he sat straighter in his chair as he put his crystal glass down on the side table with a smile on his face. He looked like an overgrown kid on Christmas morning as he took his first gift in hand. It was rare for her to see him smile like this, let alone smile at all. Rey found that it suited him and wished that over the years he had done it more often. His long fingers gripped the paper as he tore it open, this was Rey’s gift. She could tell from the box as the rest of the paper fell away. She had only gotten him a tie, so why was she so nervous to see his reaction and to know if he liked it? Her stomach fluttered and her palms became clammy as she watched him lift the lid. 

Ben fingered the tie, pulling in from the box before he said, “Thank you, Rey.” He sounded genuine, more genuine than he had been to her for years. It hit Rey suddenly and her mouth dropped open slightly. He had never said thank you to her in her whole life

“You-you’re welcome.” Rey stuttered. Ben went on to get diamond-encrusted cufflinks from Leia and a golden tie pin from Han. Clearly, they all had collaborated on his gifts this year. 

“Rey, go on. Open your gifts!” Leia almost squealed in excitement as she looked at Rey awaiting her to start tearing the paper off. Even though there was one huge box in her lap, she thought that she would start with the smallest one first. She took the package in hand, taking in the luxurious quality of the white wrapping paper as her fingers found the seam. 

Rey tugged, ripping the paper off the small package. The box fell out of her grasp, the lid tumbling to the floor. A small keychain laid strewn on her other gift. She picked it up, examining it and finding it absolutely hilarious that Ben had bought her a lump of coal. It was perfect, not in the way that it filled her heart with happiness, but that it was utterly expected. She looked up to Leia who wore a grimace, clearly angry at her son for giving such an appalling gift to someone, then quickly to Han who was laughing hysterically and hitting his knee and finally to Ben. A shit-eating grin was spread across his face as he chuckled to himself and Rey couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Thank you, Benikins. I will treasure it forever.” His smile deflated slightly and his laughing ceased. But Han howled harder as Leia joined in. 

Once the laughter subsided and tears were wiped from her eyes, Leia told Rey to go on to her last gift. It was wrapped so beautifully, she thought to herself, feeling guilty as she tore through the paper. It was a cream-colored dress box with delicately printed flowers, this alone would have been a gift for her. She lifted the lid, feeling the suction break, to see that a dress was folded neatly inside. Not just any dress. Rey’s mouth dropped at the sight of blush-colored satin. It was beautiful. She ran her fingertips over the one-shouldered bodice, taking in the most delicate and lavish material she had ever felt. Rey took it up in her hands and lifted it out of its box expecting it to end, but it kept going. So much so that she had to stand up with the dress in hand, the box falling to the floor. The length of the ball gown cascaded to the ground as Rey stood up. A wide smile of pure delight spread across her face as she hugged the dress to her body and twirled. 

“Oh, Leia, you shouldn’t have! This dress is absolutely gorgeous. I love it, really.”

“Well, it is from Han and I. Oh, honey, don’t you think she will be the talk of the whole party?”

“Kid, you're gonna knock ‘em out!”

Rey looked up from the dress hugged to her body to find Ben was staring adamantly at her. His face remained neutral, but his eyes looked stunned in amazement as if imagining the dress on her. She cocked an eyebrow at him, _What? Do you like what you see?_

His expression shifted back into a signature Ben Solo smirk, _You would like that, wouldn’t you?_

Rey returned the grin, _Never._

It was late. Leia and Han had already gone to bed, leaving Rey and Ben in the grand room. She clutched her wine glass to her chest as she sat back on the deep couch, staring at the dwindling fire. Without turning her head, not to give him the inclination that she was actually looking, she watched him sip on his scotch carefully as he typed casually on his cellphone. Why couldn’t she keep her eyes off of her supposed archnemesis? The question was killing her, but she refused to answer it. Rey would not allow herself to answer it out of absolute and utter fear for what she would discover. All she would permit herself to admit was this: her dream of him had changed the tide within her and that alone had set a panicky fire inside her chest. She sipped her wine looking back to the fire with an audible sigh, not thinking much about how loud it was. 

“What’s got your panties in a bunch?” Ben asked, not looking away from the screen of his phone with a nonchalant tone of voice. 

“Me?” Rey asked, wondering if he had caught her looking at him.

“Yes, you, who else? You usually never shut up after a glass of wine and you’ve had three.” Ben followed up quickly.

“Keeping count of my glasses? Wow, Ben, how sweet you are to care about little old me.” Rey said playfully, no malice in her tone.

“I know,” he replied, locking his screen to look at her directly, “I am very sweet, but you never cared to see me that way. I have always been the evil son to you, haven’t I?”

Brushing off his words, she said, “Well, you certainly never did yourself any favors with all the name-calling or pulling my hair when we were kids.”

“God, Rey, you’re twenty-five years old, that was over fifteen years ago. You’ve got to let the past die.” His tone hinted at frustration as he spoke.

“You’re one to talk. When did you come to this realization, hm? Some time since I walked through that door? And you’re older than me, mister twenty-eight-year-old! You should have been a better person from the start.” She answered in a sing-song voice.

“As a matter of fact, yes, I did. Mom pointed something out to me that I hadn’t thought of before. So, Rey, I will say again, let the past die. Honestly, can’t you agree that we are getting too old to be acting like this?” Ben declared, almost pleading.

She took a moment thinking over his offer, wondering what Leia had said to him that created a mirror-shattering effect. “I will if you will,” Rey amended with a smile.

“God, you haven’t changed,” he said rolling his eyes at her, “Deal.”

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

**Author's Notes**

Hey everyone! I hope you loved this as much as I do! Is it possible to fangirl over your own story... because if it is not a thing yet, it is now. I am totally excited to share this with you all.

Remember to feed and water your writers! 

With Love,

E


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are gonna learn a lot about them in this chapter. So strap in, kiddies, it is gonna be an amazing ride! 
> 
> Thank you, Lexirayne2187 for beta-ing this, love you!

A chill had taken over Rey’s room, waking her harshly from her wine-induced sleep. It was Christmas morning, _great_. She sat up in her bed and looked down at her clothes, still wearing her t-shirt and jeans from last night. She did not drink that much, did she? Her head protested as she threw the covers off her body, bringing her hands around her to stave off the cold air. Great, she slept with the french doors wide open during the night and December finally decided to rear its ugly head. The gauzy curtains whipped in the frigid breeze and the double doors slammed themselves against the railing of the small balcony outside. Reluctantly, Rey let go of her exposed arms, grabbing the handles of the doors to pull them shut and latched them in place. She shuffled around the room, looking for a jacket, a shawl, a throw, or anything to warm her up. 

Finally, she just decided to rip the down comforter off the bed and cocoon herself within it as she went to her bag to retrieve clean panties and a t-shirt. Rey scurried out of her room with haste, imagining how good a hot bath sounded with the dramatic change in the weather. The cold marble floors of the corridor shocked her system as she walked across the hall to the bathroom. Here, the floors were heated and it began to thaw her out as she made her way to the porcelain clawfoot tub. Rey put her hand on the cross handle turning the hot tap and letting the water heat up before balancing out the temperature with a touch of cold. She stripped herself out of the safety of her cocoon and her clothes, dipping a hand into the pool of water. Perfect. 

Rey let the warmth of the water thaw the rest of her out as she settled into the comfortable slope of the bathtub. This was a perfect way to start off a cold Christmas morning, in the most wonderful bath known to man. She closed her eyes to the steam rising from the surface of the water and attempted to mentally prepare for the day. Oh, it was going to be a hell of a day with the caterers running around to get the food and drinks ready, the Solo’s maids and Hux scrambling to make sure every last knob of the house was perfectly polished and the silverware free of any blemish, and Leia micro-managing every finite detail. But Rey was seasoned at this, she knew how to evade Hux and Leia in a single swoop, hide with all her might. Ben, too, would be hardly seen until the party began knowing the familiar war path his mother would be on to ensure the highest excellence of her house. After all, Aunt Leia did nothing without perfection or the utmost finesse. Hux would be another story, he would be conjoined with Leia until the guest arrived acting as a second fire-breathing head to her. He was like Leia in the effect that he strived for utmost perfection in his duties. 

She pushed past the thoughts of her aunt and the equally terrifying butler to her conversation last night with Ben. Had he really meant what he had said or did the scotch go to his head? He practically handed her an olive branch, a peace treaty, something so completely uncharacteristic and outlandish that it must be true. What did he mean that she had never chosen to see him as anything other than the ‘evil son’? For a better part of their lives, he had been her tormentor and there was no denying it. But had she been holding on to a petty grudge? Was she blinded by childish things, things that weren’t really a big deal, when they should have been disregarded as character traits? 

She did not know, but this situation she had found herself in was surreal, to say the least. Rey let her mind drift further, thinking more about last night and the fuzzy gaps between their conversation and how she managed into bed. She remembered their banter and him calling a truce, that is for sure. But after? After she had… yes, it was coming back to her now. She talked to him about how much of a workaholic killjoy he was and that he never had any fun unless Leia had told him to. He had gone on to tell her that, _“I can’t be as free as you under my mother. So, I went to Yale, I studied business like she wanted, and graduated with honors. My family nor my career afford me time for ‘fun’. My parents could never see me as they do you. In their eyes you could never do anything wrong, it’s like you’re the daughter they never had.”_

Had that been why he never liked her, because his parents loved her like family when she was not blood-related? If anything, it had made her feel guilty for all the times she had thrown things at him or retorted snidely back to him. Ben had a reason and she was only being spiteful. Even if that did sound backward, it somehow made sense to her. Rey raised her hand from the water, bringing it to her temple, and sighed remembering she had drunk even more after that. Images of her jumping and dancing around the room asking Ben to stop being a sulking beanpole and join her; _“live a little,”_ she had told him. To her surprise, he had polished off his drink and joined her. 

She remembered his lanky body awkwardly wiggling, trying his best to let loose and dance. She supposed they went at it for a while because her next memory was of Ben carrying her back to her room with her drunkenly hugging him as he held her. He had laid her gently in the bed and covered her up, _“Mmm, Ben, Benny, Ben, Benjamin! I had a dream about you. It was wonderful. Promise to be like Dream Ben.”_ The last thing she remembered was her worst nightmare come true. God knows what else Drunk Rey confessed to him last night. Whatever it was, Sober Rey was sure to hear about it from Ben sooner rather than later. She is sure that he is going to dangle it in her face for the next ten years, never being able to live it down. 

Once she finished washing and the tub began to drain, Rey stepped out onto the warm floor of the bathroom. Grabbing a neatly folded towel from the rack beside her and wrapping it around her middle, she looked up at her wet reflection in the mirror only to grimace at the black mascara pooled beneath her eyes. She used her fingertips to wipe away the leaking mascara only to find that it just smudged further. She sighed as she pumped a pea-sized amount of soap into her hand and lathering it between her palms. Rey made sure to pay extra attention to her lashes and under her eyes as she washed her face. After she was sure to have gotten the lingering makeup, she rinsed her face at the sink. Rey took up the bottom hem of her towel to her face, patting it dry. After a few moments, she had brushed her teeth and began to dress in her fresh t-shirt and jeans. 

Satisfied, she walked out the door into the hall, looking out into the garden below. Leia was talking furiously to the gardener who stood quaking in his boots with his hedge shears in hand. Rey stepped closer to the tall window, examining the area and trying to piece together the problem. There lay a single deeply red rose on the manicured grass. Obviously a no-no in Aunt Leia’s eyes. She stood tall with her chin upturned at the man while she sported a fitted black pantsuit. She clutched on to her planner and clipboard tightly while she glared at the man. She barked at him again and he sulked off, his shears now drooping at his side. Knowing her aunt, and today being the Christmas party, Leia was hell-bent and unapologetically so. After the gardener had left, Leia shot a warning glance up at Rey with her mouth in a tight line and Rey quickly ran out of view to avoid the wrath of the small woman below. 

Rey stepped onto the first level from the backstairs into the kitchen. Maids were running around like chickens with their heads cut off, some with feather dusters and others with cloths in hand. Only one cooking breakfast with a fierce urgency over the gas stove. It was utter chaos but she found Ben sitting quietly at a small breakfast table in the corner of the kitchen eating his porridge and enjoying the crazed air about the staff with a smirk. 

“Mornin’,” he greeted her with a yawn, “Are you sober now?”

“Yes, I am. Look, about last night–” Rey started but was cut off with him beginning to speak again. 

“Hey, Rey, do I look more like ‘Dream Ben’ this morning?” A classic shit-eating grin expanded across his face. It had begun, oh God, oh no. Rey turned a deep shade of red in her embarrassment as she sat down across from Ben. A maid hastily set down a bowl of porridge before racing back to her task at the stove.

“Tell me, what did happen in this dream, Rey?” He was in rare form this morning, relentless and grinning ear to ear, not even trying to stop himself from laughing. She wished she had kept her drunk mouth shut, allowing it to be her private secret. 

“What? Cat got your tongue? It must have been some dream then. Did I sweep you off your feet with my devilish charm and rugged good looks? Or was it a wet dream, hm?” Oh, he is just laying it on thick now. “Perhaps it was something as simple as a kiss.” Rey’s breathing hitched when he uttered the word ‘kiss’ out of sheer nerves while her stomach fluttered.

“What was it again that your mom said to you, Ben? I really would love to hear it.” That wiped the grin off his face real quick. 

“Well, I think I get your point now…” he mumbled down at his breakfast, looking like he also wished he had kept his mouth shut.

“That’s what I thought, Benikins. But, moving on, what is your game plan to avoid your mom and Hux until the party?” Rey asked casually, trying to hide the fact that she was eager to be involved with whatever he was doing.

“Hm, I was thinking of getting out of the house and going to get my hair cut then to pick up my tux.” He replied while scraping out the last of his food with his spoon, not really giving her intentions much thought. 

“That’s better than what I had planned. I was going to lock myself in my room.”

“I can’t say that I would be much fun. According to you, I am a workaholic killjoy, but I _guess_ you can come.” 

“I don’t think I was really asking, was I,” she countered playfully before continuing, “However, I can’t think of anything better to do.”

“Alright, meet me in the garage in an hour.”

Rey did not know what she was doing, between the dream and last night, this was utterly complicated. And to add to it, she was going to spend the day with her recently former arch-enemy. How fucked up was that? In the span of twenty-four hours, they had rapidly gone from loathing each other, to silent and somewhat flirty conversations, and now to spending alone time with each other. 

_What the hell am I doing,_ she thought to herself over the last bite of her own breakfast. Rey Palpatine spending the day with Ben Solo, her parents were rolling over in their graves. 

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

Rey had thrown on a thick, long wool trench coat from Leia over her faded t-shirt and light wash jeans. She paired the caramel jacket with white leather Adidas and a black belt. She did a natural look for her makeup and tamed her shoulder-length hair before she stepped out of her room. Her stomach turned as she closed her door behind her, she was going to spend the day with Ben. It terrified her and excited her at the same time causing unpleasant nausea. Rey walked with her purse swinging at her side as it hung off her shoulder, heading up the hallway toward the main stairs. 

To anyone that had not been here a thousand times or lived here, this house would be a maze. From the foyer, she walked through the hall underneath the landing of the stairs and turned as if she were heading to the dining room, but she walked past it and stuck close to the twists and turns past the kitchen and servants’ quarters. The garage was cold and illuminated by the sunlight pouring in from the large open double doors. Ben had pulled his black 1968 Aston Martin DB6 out into the driveway, one of the many classic cars Han and him collected. It was a sleek vintage coupe that matched its owner completely. 

Ben was leaning on the driver’s side door in a white t-shirt with slim jeans and, to her surprise, hightop converse. He turned to look at her with sunglasses covering his face and smiled as she walked out into the sun. It was warm, warm enough that her wool jacket would not be needed. Rey shrugged out of the jacket and folded it over her arm when she got to the car. 

“Ready?” He asked, still grinning at her unabashedly.

“Yep.” She said, averting her eyes from his smile. That perfect, smug, smile.

“Then get in.” He instructed pulling his door open and dipping dramatically to fit his large frame into the coupe. 

Rey pulled the polished handle of the door and sidestepped to maneuver her way into the car, practically falling the last few inches onto the cold leather seat. The interior of the car was just as luxurious as the outside with black leather seats, matching leather surrounding the stick shift, and a tortoiseshell dashboard encasing a knobbed radio. Rey felt as if she had been transported back to a different era of casual suits and heavily hairsprayed updos. Ben pumped the clutch pedal as he turned the key, igniting a roaring engine. The car rumbled with authority, demanding to be driven with speed. This was the first time she had been inside Ben Solo’s car, despite all the years he’s had it. A wave of awe rushes through her as she runs her hand over the smooth exterior of the dash. 

“Buckle up,” Ben directed as he shifted into first gear, the car transitioning like a knife cutting through butter. They cruised down the long paved private road before they approached a heavy, towering wrought iron gate that swung open to the car. 

“Better hold on,” he warned as he cranked the stick into second gear and punched the gas, the car lurched and shot out onto the deserted back road. 

The car handled with precision as the engine rumbled with the increasing speed, loving its owner for it. The vibrations coursed through her, jumbling the butterflies that had taken up a permanent home when she was around Ben Solo. She tried to buckle the belt, but with the unexpected rocking with his shifting, she kept fumbling as she aimed for the clicker. After she had called herself names in frustration, Rey finally resorted to sheer force as she drove the belt into the mechanism. She took a deep breath as she sat back in her seat, trying to play it off cooly as if nothing had happened. Nope. Nothing to see here. 

The back road of the Solo estate wound for miles, lined with aged oak trees barren of leaves. The tires kicked up the fallen brown leaves around them as Ben sped down the asphalt. Rey looked over at him in the quiet of the cabin. He was attuned to the road, his broad hand clutching the shiny steering wheel and another glued to the stick shift. She liked watching him when he wasn’t paying attention, taking a small moment to really _see_ Ben. From the outside, he was downright intimidating with his almost constant frown and towering body, but from here in the car, his presence was warm and inviting. 

Rey studied his focused expression as he determined the gears he needed at the alternating sharp bends and straightaways in the road. Why had she never noticed that he was handsome? While he was not a perfect picture, Rey figured it is not the big muscles or perfect jawline that made a man attractive. It was the subtle upward curve of his cheekbones, or the small scar on his left cheek, or maybe the pillowing quality to lips, or even the way his Adam's apple poked out underneath his skin. All these things made him unique to her, things that commanded her attention as she sat across from him. Things that she never noticed before and could never unsee again. 

_Had he always been this hot? I mean, fuck, really_ ? Rey thought to herself as her stomach lurched again, becoming distinctly aware of her excitement. _Oh and he would just love it if he knew I thought that_ , she finished putting a stop to her runaway train of thought as she tried her damned best to shake the idea from her head. Ben downshifted, the car mewling as if it hated slowing down, as he approached the deserted main road. Rey turned her eye to the front windshield, watching the posh countryside go by as they continued in comfortable silence. How was she going to make it through the afternoon alone with him? It was as if the last twenty-four hours had shifted her whole world, turned everything upside down.

She did not know how to act around him, what to say to him, or how to deal with this awakening within her. There was a time when she felt like this before when she was a teenager, but that had only been a fleeting crush. But there had been a moment, a shared moment between them. And since then Rey had not been in one single lasting, healthy relationship. As always, the story started with a girl who grows up with a boy. Both too young, too immature to even begin processing the complexities of innate desire. Ending just as fast as it started. Rey had tucked that memory into a box, duct-taped it, wrapped it up, and buried it deep within herself never to unpackage it again. 

It was a flash, a sliver, a small glimmer of a moment brought on by a heatwave in summer that came and went. After that, the boy had given her the silent treatment only to resurface after her parents had passed the following Christmas. That felt like a lifetime ago. The summers she spent at the Solo’s house or the dinners she and her parents came to. All of it. She is a completely different person now, changed in so many ways, yet all the same. And as she sat next to Ben Solo, alone in his car, spending the day together, she thought that it all made sense in a convoluted sort of way. Maybe that moment never really went into the box as she thought. Maybe it was more just a teenage crush and maybe he had reciprocated her feelings more than she knew. And maybe, just maybe, they could unseal that box together.

“You’ve been oddly quiet over the last couple of days. Usually, I beg you to stop talking. What a rare event this is.” His rich, dulcet voice pulled her from her thoughts as she turned from the window to him. 

“I’ve just been thinking.” Rey sighed as she watched him glance from the road to her and back again.

“I did not know you could do that without talking.” He teased her with a half-smile pulling the corner of his lips.

“Oh, shut up,” she playfully rebuked, batting her hand at his arm. Her fingertips met the hard muscles underneath the skin with a slap. Rey recoiled her hand quickly to resist the temptation of keeping it there to feel him more thoroughly. 

“Hey! Don’t hit the driver.” He flinched, shifting his arm away from her as his hands jerked the wheel, swerving slightly into the abandoned on-coming lane. 

“Well, then don’t say stupid shit like that,” she retorted happily. 

“Fine, then tell me what’s up. I know December is not an easy time for you, so talk to me.” Ben Solo, of all people, offered her room to vent but what was on her mind would change everything if she opened her mouth. It scared her to think about what he would say if she told him. It scared her if she spilled her guts to him only to be faced with rejection. 

“It’s not that, really,” she admitted truthfully. What was ‘up’ was him.

“Well, if it is not that then spill it. What is going on in there?” He asked as he cocked his head over his shoulders, making a lane change. 

“I can’t really quite put it into words… and if I could, why would I tell you?” But she wanted to, her mind had been on nothing but him since yesterday. She wanted to explore the suffocating urge to see where this new side of Ben Solo would lead. 

“I’m hurt by that.” He brought a hand off the steering wheel to clasp it over his heart, acting wounded by her coy mistrust.

“Good,” she retorted, sticking her nose up in the air.

“Rey, seriously, what’s going on? Stay quiet for too much longer and I will _actually_ start to worry.” His tone shifted dramatically to more somber and serious, all the jokes aside, he was honestly checking on her. It was strange, to say the least. 

“I don’t even know what’s going on, so can we just drop it?”

“Fine, but I expect you to have an answer soon, Rey.” His stern voice, practically a whisper, sent a shiver up her spine. Embarrassed and feeling guilty about her body responding so eagerly to his voice, she turned her eyes back to the window. 

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

Ben turned the wheel into a parking spot of the local park of the small town. They had picked up his tux and he got his trimmed because he preferred it long. He shifted the car into neutral and pulled the emergency brake after he felt he was perfectly in the middle of the two lines. The car let out one last lurch as it settled in place. She had been to this park many times years ago, but never as an adult with a man who is equally as infuriating and as he is nervewrackingly handsome. She steadied her breathing as she stepped out onto the pavement, shutting the door behind her. Ben shut his door and began walking on the cement sidewalk ahead of her. Why were they even here? 

There were so many memories attached to this place, good and bad. Her mother would take her here to meet Leia while she and Ben practically threw fists at each other over who got to go first down the slide. My, my, how the tables have turned. Ten Year Old Rey would have kicked and screamed if she knew that one day her older self would have an intense fixation on the very boy who pulled her hair. Rey clicked her tongue at the thought as she walked wordlessly behind Ben. The park had not changed much over the years. If anything, it looked more mature and aged a little around the edges. The walking trails were worn from foot traffic, the trees bigger, but the pond was new. 

Rey looked from the barren field to Ben, whose back was turned to her. His large arms tense at his sides with his hands stuffed into the front pockets of his jeans. His white shirt stretched and moved over the defined muscles of his back. His loose curls bouncing and blowing with the soft breeze. _Fuck,_ she thought as she watched his body move with heavy, graceful steps. Her eyes drifted down to his backside, his jeans looking like they were made for him. What in the actual hell was she doing? Looking him over with a close eye, coveting it. The butterflies in her abdomen rioted again, tickling her stomach. Rey groaned internally, trying to will herself to not like the picture in front of her. 

The path they walked led them to the new pond that sat in the northeast corner of the large park. It was a small grove, carved out by the murky waters of the reservoir. It was lined with willow trees and cattails, the sun reflecting off the water and giving life to the nature around them. It was beautiful in its simplicity, melting away her worries as she drew in breaths of crisp air. Ben took a spot in the grass only feet away from the water’s edge. Rey sat next to him, bringing her legs in close to her chest, and watched the ducks paddle the length of the pond. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her head on her knees. 

She looked over at Ben, shifting on her chin that rested on top of her knees. He looked relaxed in his posture, leaning back on his arms with his legs stretched out in front of him and his head tilted up to the sky. This was difficult for her, to be so close to him while basking in the warmth of winter sun. As if he had sensed her keeping a watchful eye on him, he turned his head craning his neck towards her with a stoic expression that slowly turned into a grin the longer he looked at her pathetic pinning. 

“Do you like what you see?” He asked trying to turn on his charm through that stupid, amazing smile.

“You would like that wouldn’t you?”

“Me? Never.”

“Will you explain to me what the hell is going on now?”

“It’s—” she sighed, trying to muster up any semblance of courage to say it, “I just don’t know what to do now that we called a peace treaty.” Rey failed to tell the truth, lying shamefully through her teeth. The anxiety had gotten to her, making her change course at the last second. 

“Lie.” He said shortly, turning back to the sky. 

“Is not!” She exclaimed nervously, digging herself further into the hole. He would just love it if she spilled her pathetic guts to him. Oh, how he would relish in her confessing her crush to him and how it would supplement his ego, really driving up his pompous playboy attitude.

“Is too.” He said, not backing down.“Hmph, fine think what you like, but it is the truth.” Rey picked her head up off her knees and sat up, crossing her arms against her chest. She took the fake defensive posture as if to really sell it to a man who had known her all her life. 

“Okay, let’s say it is the truth. It really is not that hard to be civil, Rey. You just _do_ it.” His voice became monotone, clearly bored with her outright, bald-faced lie. 

“That’s rich coming from you, _Ben_.” 

“I’m right and you know it. Now, stop fucking around and say what is really wrong.” His tone scared her, it was dark and commanding. She had a small inclination to just come out with it and tell the truth for fear of the consequences.

“No,” Rey said defiantly, keen to see what would happen if she kept talking like a brat. 

“God, you’re insufferable. Drunk Rey was _ver_ y eager to tell me what was troubling her last night. What? None of that liquid courage left in you, Reynie?” His tone turned playful again, but Rey was still caught up on the name she had not been called in years. There was too much attached to that name and at that moment she was not prepared for the pile of bricks that came with it. They crushed her with the memories of her parents, of happier and simpler times. That name had been off-limits to everyone, including the Solos. 

“I—I have to go, sorry.” Rey stuttered collecting her purse as she stood up and began walking away from the situation. She felt the tears well up in her eyes and a tight, suffocating grasp take hold of her heart. This was too much for her to process. She felt so stupid to think that Ben Solo would ever change. 

“Shit, Rey, I’m sorry.” Ben cried, grabbing her wrist to try to make her stay. He was standing behind her now, his sunglasses tossed to the ground. His eyes were pleading to her to forgive him for the slip-up, that he did not mean it. 

“No, no, it’s okay.” But it wasn’t. Nothing was. She gently pulled her hand from his hold and left Ben Solo behind to stand deflated and alone in the park. 

Through the tears, she struggled to hastily make her way out of the park. December was hard enough to suffer through, even with Han and Leia; but for him to just say that was a shove too far for her. Rey tried her hardest every year to ignore the feeling that someone was always missing and how her home was empty. Even if it had been eight years, she will never truly forget them. Her pet name was coined by her father, her favorite man in the entire universe. Every time he called her Reyney it always made her feel like the most special, most loved girl in the entire world. Yes, she loved her father dearly and no one would ever say it differently. 

She was not mad at Ben for calling her that, not at all. No, she was upset because no one had called her that in eight years. It brought with it an indomitable wall of grief and bewilderment, something she thought she had worked through or at least around. If she was really honest with herself it felt good to be called that again, but there was no ignoring why it had. It brought back memories of the day trips her father took her on. The fishing and camping in the summers and even the very last Christmas spent with her mother and father. 

Rey brought her fingers to her eyes, wiping away the wetness from underneath them and trying her damnedest to not further ruin her mascara as she breathed heavily through a clogged nose. She walked along the road back towards the Solo estate, focusing only on the thought she would not be staying for the party this year despite the wonderful dress Han and Leia had bought her. She had been walking for several minutes, barely making it a mile from the park and she had many more to go. With her luck, she left her coat in the car and forgetting to retrieve it before storming away. She brought her hand to the backs of her arms, hugging herself to fend off the chill of the steadily growing breeze. Faintly in the background, maybe a few blocks behind, roared an engine driving towards her. Stepping away from the narrow path between the road and the unpaved and shallow ditch she was walking along, she stopped to let the car pass. A black vintage Aston Martin came flying down the road, its driver caught sight of Rey and screeched to a halt beside her. Of course, it was Ben Solo. 

“Rey, please stop,” he pleaded as Rey gave him a look of warning before she continued walking away. 

“Rey, PLEASE!” Ben shouted desperately from the cabin of the car, jarring her from her defiant disregard. He threw the car into park, jumping out of his car before it even settled. He stood there with frantic eyes and a heaving chest, no longer charming and playful. 

“What? What could possibly you want?” She cried angrily at him, throwing her hands up in the air to show her irritation. 

“To talk, to apologize for what happened back there.” Ben’s voice was deathly calm, his face as stoic as ever, but his deep brown eyes were begging. Rey felt her heart squeeze at the sight of him standing there.

“Then say it.” She spat back at him unable to control her temper.

“Rey, I know that I shouldn’t have said that, it just—slipped out. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re sorry? No, Ben. This is not even about that. Do you know what this is about? Everything. You just couldn’t help yourself, throwing the ONE thing that was off-limits in my face. You are a pompous, beastly, spiteful man that never really learned how to grow up. I am sick and tired of the fact that you think you can say anything, do anything, and have no consequences for your actions.

“Well, here it is, Ben; here is what’s wrong with me, it’s you. It’s always been you, you jerk. Always. I am done. I am done with you. I am done with asking you nicely. I am done pretending that you didn’t hurt me when you left me nine years ago. And I am DONE with pretending that I never let go of you when you threw me away.” Rey’s eyes went wide with her last confession. Shit, she had said too much and there was no taking it all back now. 

“Rey, I never threw you away. I love you. ”

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

**Author Notes:**

Uh-huh you read that right. No matter why Rey hates him so much, because broke her heart and never really got over him. Tune in next time to see where this little confession leads the two lovebirds

Rember to feed and water your writers everyone!

With love,

E


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back, dear reader! We are back with the latest chapter! Some exciting stuff is coming your way!
> 
> Thank you again for Lexirayne2187 for editing this chapter and for keeping me on track!

# 

Ben knew he had fucked up when Rey stormed away from him in the park. After last night, he had felt so comfortable with her like a roadblock had been removed from his path. Her childhood nickname had just rolled off his tongue, no idea that it had until he saw the look of horror on her face. He knew what that name meant to her, heard her father say it a thousand times before. _Fuck_ , he thought to himself as he watched Rey walk away from him, the pain was indescribable. Now he had done it. Could she ever forgive him? If there was one thing in this world he would beg for, it would be for her to forgive him for once again putting his foot in his mouth. Half of him felt like he should let her cool off, but the other half made him want to run after her. It was like if he let her go now then he would never get her back. So he ran as fast as his muscles would let him towards her. He needed to tell her. 

When he broke the treeline, she was already gone. The park was filled with everyone except the one woman Ben needed. He pushed himself harder as he ran to his car and skid almost comically as he arrived at his door. He shoved his hand into his pocket, cursing himself for putting the key in there as he tried to pull them out of the tight space. Finally, he took hold of the keychain and ripped it out of his pocket. Jamming the key into the lock, he narrowly missed the flawless paint job in his rush to unlock the door. He threw it open with haste and ducked inside, hitting his head on the threshold. He swore at the eruption of dull pain on his temple as he ignited the engine. He had no time to worry about his head now. 

Ben put the car into reverse and drove out onto the main street. He punched the gas, quickly shifting through the gears until he was flying up the road. He scanned the sidewalks and roads with a keen eye looking for Rey. His heart pounded against his chest and his blood coursed with panicky adrenaline. His breathing was wild with short, hard breaths as he clutched the steering wheel. He rounded the bend of the road and, with mighty relief, his eyes fell upon Rey half running on the side of the street. He slammed his foot on the brake, bringing the car to a halt that surely burnt rubber. Ben tried to ask her to stop, but she ignored him walking a few more steps away. Then he shouted, begging her to stop so he could say what he came here to say.

Ben cut the engine and hurled the door open to jump out of his seat. He was met with Rey’s sad, angry eyes staring him down. She asked him what he wanted, and he told her truthfully that he wanted to apologize. But that had only triggered something within her. Rey’s face contorted into a fearsome look of rage. She exploded on him, saying that she had it with his antics. Ben knew he had been a flat out jackass over the years, there was no denying that. Rey lost her composure as she spewed twenty-five years of words at him. The breath in his lungs hitched at words he never thought he would hear. 

“I am done pretending that you didn’t hurt me when you left me nine years ago. And I am DONE with pretending that I never let go of you when you threw me away.” Throw her away? How could he?

“Rey, I never threw you away. I love you.” Ben said, softly to her. Her face matched his voice now, the anger draining from it. Her mouth fell open in alarm but she said nothing, allowing Ben to continue. 

“I know that I hurt you when we were teenagers. I just didn’t know how to be a boyfriend, I liked you too much and it scared the hell out of me. I was nineteen, a stupid little shit that didn’t know what was right in front of me. Then I went off to school and the whole thing just… fell apart. I am sorry Rey. I am sorry for everything. If you take anything away from what I am saying, know this: those feelings never went away.” 

“You don’t abandon the ones you love, Benjamin,” Rey spoke coldly, her steely gaze piercing him. 

“God,” he exclaimed vehemently, throwing his fingers through his hair unable to handle her admission and his own emotional turmoil any longer, “I didn’t abandon you, Rey! You shut me out, told me to fuck off! What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“Fight, scream, get mad! Tell me that you were sorry!” She yelled, matching him. 

“I am NOT a bloody mind reader, woman. You cannot expect me to magically know what you want.”

“I didn't need you to read my mind for you to know that what I needed was you. You left! Left me alone to rot away with grief.”

“I know, and I will never be able to take that back. But, Rey, I’m human, imperfect, and flawed. I just hope that you’re able to find in your heart to forgive me. I tried to be there for you the best I could after your parents passed.”

“Fuck you, Ben Solo.”

“Fuck me? Really? Fuck me? Wow, Rey, _real_ nice. You know I really thought we would be able to put the past behind us, but clearly, you aren’t ready. Clearly, you are enjoying your pathetic pity party. Get in the car. Now.” He was seething with renewed vigor as he dipped back into the car, slamming the door behind him.

Ben pumped the clutch pedal in and turned the key. His hands clenching the wheel until his knuckles turned white as he waited for the infuriating woman to get the hell over herself and get in the damn car. He looked straight ahead with a set jaw as Rey stalked up to the car, pulling open the door, and quietly took her place in the passenger seat. He did not bother to check if she had settled in before he put the car into gear and hit the gas pedal with anger-driven force. The abrupt change in momentum forced his body back into the chair as he began to drive with no regard for his speed. 

Neither Rey nor Ben spoke under the crushingly thick air that hung like a heavy fog over them. How could she think that of him? That he had abandoned her? It was her that froze him out after they ended things. And it was he that came back so willingly in her time of need without anyone asking, even her. He was there to comfort her, to be her rock, to offer his shoulder to cry on. _Abandoned? Grow up, Rey_ , Ben gripped the steering wheel harder as he turned with another curve in the road. He downshifted, revving up the engine for more power as he left the bend then shifting into a higher gear. The 1968 Aston Martin DB6 thanked him for it as it shot up the straightaway. He drove wildly, not concerned if it scared him or Rey. 

His emotions got the better of him. “How could you think I could abandon you, Rey?”

She offered no response, now silent and stewing.

“I was a little shit, but abandon you? You must be fucking crazy, you know that? You have no idea what the hell I went through after we broke up. And did you ever think about why I never dated anyone seriously since then? Hm? Did you? And did you not even think why none of your boyfriends worked out? Well, I will tell you why, woman. Because I love you. I fucking love you. So don’t ever say that I abandoned you ever again or so help me God. Do you understand me, Rey?” The same vehement tone had risen from him again, filling the whole cabin of the car. Ben waited for a reply to his question that was not at all rhetorical. 

“Yes, I hear you. I-I don’t know what to say or where to go from here.” Rey offered up quiet amends to him as they pulled up to the wrought-iron gate of the Solo estate. 

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

The whole house was in the utmost state of excellence as Ben walked through the door. Every hall was adorned with garland filling every space with the soft glow of thousands of shimmering lights and radiating the quiet joy of a Christmas celebration. The servants had disappeared, replaced by catering staff setting up tables of food and a wet bar in the ballroom off the East Wing of the house. Ben carried his tux by the hanger of the garment bag over his shoulder as he took the back stairs. At this rate, the party would start in a couple of hours and Ben was not in any state to be good company. 

All he wanted was to disappear, cool off from the most insulting thing he had heard in his whole life. _God, that woman is going to be the death of me,_ he thought to himself as he let out a frustrated sigh while he climbed the stairs. Leia, on the other hand, would tear him a new one if he did not show up tonight and that alone terrified him enough to begrudgingly attend st. He walked up to his door, opening it only to slam it shut behind him, maybe a little too hard since the pictures on the wall shook from the force. Ben tossed the garment back on the bed as he cast himself next to it with a dampened thud.

His room provided at least some protection from Rey and his mother. He forced himself to take deep breaths to settle himself as he laid there dumbfounded about Rey. The truth was out. Ben finally told her that he had loved her all along. He found out that she never let go of him, either. Ben had not realized that he was in love with her all this time. All the failed relationships, all the awful women he dated, it all came together when his mother pointed it out. 

" _Ben,_ " she started, " _Honey, you do realize that all the fights, all this time wasted... You are in love with Rey. It’s an undeniable fact. Honestly, for nine years it has been so painful to watch you two bicker when you just needed to say it. She loves you, too; you know? She has always loved you. Don’t destroy what you love and don’t let her do the same. There is nothing more important than what you and Rey have together. Just try to be more like yourself, your real self._ " 

Knowing all of this only made it more frustrating. Rey is the most infuriating, childish, beautiful, and wonderful woman he has ever known. It made him so angry that she just could not get over the past; let it die, once for all. Ben thought that after last night they would finally be able to do just that, but it was very apparent she could not handle the mere thought of letting him back into her life. And, he wanted it so badly. He hoped for her to get over herself , so they could start over and do this the right way. Rey may not have known this or cared to realize it, but he loved her since he was a boy. She took it as bullying. The hair pulling and the laughing at her expense; but, through it all, he liked her. He just did not have a better way to show it. He was a kid, emotionally stunted, and unable to voice how he felt about a little girl who was forever a part of his family. What was he going to do with her? 

For the better part of their relationship, all the snide remarks and nasty tones he had taken with her were not about her at all. If he was being honest with himself, he was a hypocrite. He told Rey that she needed to get over herself, and maybe he was saying that more for himself than he was for her. Somewhere down the line, he felt so unworthy of her and was scared to love a person fearlessly without the worry of getting hurt or rejected. But that is if he was being _truly_ honest. The truth of the matter was he was angry with himself. He was angry that he kept putting his foot in his mouth, things he meant as compliments came out as insults. He was angry and all he wanted was her, but he felt incapable of ever winning her back. 

“You know, you drive me crazy, right?” He said to no one, bringing a hand to his hair as he raked his fingers through the soft locks. Ben let out a great sigh, dropping his hand to his chest as he stared up at the ceiling. 

Ben snaked a hand down his stomach, driving it towards his front pocket. He fished out his cellphone and clicked the screen on. It was already six o’clock, the party was in an hour. He still needed to shower, shave, and put on his tux. Sorting this mess out would have to wait until he saw Rey next, if she decided to stay at all. Ben sat up, taking the garment bag in hand before he stood. He made his way to the side of the bed to where his leather duffle sat haphazardly open with clothes all around it in the corner of the room. He took a fresh pair of briefs and his Dopp kit out with his free hand and turned on the balls of his feet. The corridor was silent, barren of a soul, as Ben stepped out and closed his door behind him. 

He completed his ablutions quickly and meticulously. Ben pulled the black material into a firm knot around his neck and folded the collar of his white button-up shirt over the handsome bowtie. He turned to the door of the bathroom, pulling the tux jacket off its hanger. He examined the fine stitching of the glossy black satin of the lapel and the fine quality of the equally black jacket. His mother really outdid herself this year. Ben snaked his large arms into the fitted covering and pulled the hem of the wrists down. He fingered the small buttons through the holes and looked himself over in the mirror. The suit fit like a glove, tailored just for him, because it was. It was sleek and left him feeling confident in his ability to clean up nicely. Satisfied, he took up his comb and swept his dark hair backward. There, now he was ready. 

Downstairs was already teeming with formally dressed guests as Ben stepped out onto the landing of the foyer. Groups stood talking and laughing gleefully with flutes of champagne in hand. Many of the guests were his father’s friends and Board members with their wives. Jazzy instrumental Christmas music played overhead, filling the gaps between the numerous, indistinguishable conversations below. His mother, of course, was in the middle of it all, playing the perfect hostess while his father was laughing up a storm with the balding men. Ben shifted his sights, looking for Rey, but she was nowhere to be seen. He took his first steps down the stairs, keeping an eye on any young woman that even remotely resembled the only woman he cared to see.

Guests crowded around the large entrance hall, all waiting to move into the ballroom. Ben uttered an “excuse me” every few steps, trying to make it through the congested room. But Rey was nowhere to be found and he began to panic. His heart started to thump harder in his chest. Great, he really had run her off for good this time. He felt like the biggest jackass as that thought sunk in. Dejected and shameful, he snatched a flute of the pale bubbly liquid from a passing waiter and drank deeply from it. He let it sit in his mouth, his face turning into a look of disgust. Champagne was not his drink of choice.

Quickly he swallowed it, taking another drink, and then another. He tipped his glass back, emptying it. The waiter passed by again and stopped in front of him, gesturing his silver tray at him. Ben gave a nod of thanks before he took up another glass and the waiter disappeared into the hoard of party guests. A hand suddenly touched his shoulder. He jerked his head in the direction it had come from. His mother sat there grinning happily beside him. Her greying hair was pulled into a braided crown on top of her head, her makeup light yet elegantly done for the party. She wore a shimmery full-length dress with sleeves that revealed defined collar bones. His mom, even with her age, was as radiant and beautiful as ever. 

“Ben,” his mother greeted him affectionately stroking his back, “Smile, honey, you look constipated.”

“Do I?” Ben asked, trying to relax his face. He had good reason to, after all. He may have let the girl away, again. More than likely scared her away with the intensity of his feelings. 

“Yes, what’s gotten into you?” Leia asked, keeping a smile on her face in case a guest looked over. She would not allow rumors to start in her own home. 

“Rey,” Ben sighed, taking another long drink. 

“I swear, Ben, if you two have another one of your domestics in front of the guests then I will take both of you by your ears and toss you out.” Leia was still smiling as her tone darkened with a warning, a terrifying talent of his mother’s. It made a chill run through him causing him to physically shake it off. 

“No, no, it is nothing like that.” He brushed her words off.

“Oh, well, then I think I understand what is going on here. Honey, I am sure it will work itself out, just you wait and see.” Leia remained positive trying to reassure her son who was becoming more crushed by each passing moment. What a royal cock-up this was. 

“I don’t know, Mom. I think I really fucked up this time.” Ben contradicted her. She did not even know half the story, yet she was so sure that it would all be magically fixed by itself. 

“I am not so sure you did, sweetie... look.” 

“Mom, you don’t under—” Ben only half heard his mother before he tried to drive home how hard he had messed up. But his brain had caught up to her words as his eyes followed her pointed finger. 

There, on the landing above, was a young woman standing tall and looking over the crowd. Her brown hair fell elegantly framing her face in curls, her features painting a vivid picture, ensconced in the most beautiful blush-colored gown. The one-shouldered bodice clung to her while the floor-length skirt billowed out from her waist. It was as if time slowed as Ben stood there, awestruck. The noises around him faded to a dull murmur with her the sole focal point of his world. When her gaze landed on him, relief washed through him as if he had waited an eternity for her to notice him. It hit him as if a concentrated force struck his heart. His chest tightened at the sight of her, his blood pumping harder in his veins. Rey had stayed.

“Close your mouth, honey, before you let the flies in.” Leia’s voice pulled him out of the daze. 

Ben shook his head, briefly turning to look at his mother before hastily returning his eyes to Rey. He had to look at her, take her all in, let his eyes feast on the magnificent creature. Her hand glided over the railing as she took slow, careful steps down the stairs in a manner of effortless grace. Rey’s deep honeyed eyes never left him, staring him down in an intimate and private fashion. There was no smile, nor any expression on her face to give away her emotions. But her eyes, her eyes told him everything he needed to know. She was in the middle of the staircase before her face shifted, _What? Do you like what you see?_

 _Yes, I do_ , he softly nodded his head at her. 

Rey stepped off the last step and the whole room parted for her, her disarming presence and that dress demanded their attention. The conversations died out as she walked through the impromptu pathway, everyone was in awe of the woman who held her head high. She did not notice because she was looking at _him_. Her sharp jaw, her defined cheekbones, her cat-like eyes all pointed at him. Her eyes looked him over, lighting small fires wherever they landed and making his skin feel hot. His breaths came harder. Ben tracked every movement she made. The set of her shoulders, the fluttering of her long eyelashes, and her sauntering gait. Rey stopped in front of Ben, eyeing him with a confidence he had not seen in years. As if it all happened at once, the guests returned to their conversations asking who she was.

“You clean up well, Mr. Solo.” 

“And you, Miss Palpatine, look absolutely beautiful.” 

“Everyone,” Leia began tapping the blade of a butter knife against her glass to gather the attention of the room before she continued, “if you would please follow me to the ballroom." 

Rey flashed Ben a coy smile, eyes lingering before she filed into the room with the rest of the guests. Ben walked behind her and traced the gentle curves and dips of her exposed skin, still dumbfounded by her. The guest all spoke excitedly amongst themselves, eager to see what his mother pulled off this year. The ballroom was dimly lit with the warm glow of white lights. The long gold painted walls adorned with the same garland that flowed throughout the rest of the house along with another towering Christmas tree. Ben did not care for any of it. All he cared about was the woman who walked in front of him, leading him further into the dreamlike daze. Rey led him to the large wood-burning fireplace that sat lit in the middle of the back wall before she turned back to Ben. His breath hitched in his throat as he looked down at her. 

“Ben I—” she began, embarrassed. 

“No, Rey, I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a twit and I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” Ben said, stopping her before she could continue. He felt like he had been the bigger jerk for letting his temper go so flagrantly.

“I think I owe you an apology, too. I said some awful things to you that I hope you can forgive me for.”

“I forgive you, Rey.”

“Now,” she began, taking up her own glass from a passing waiter, “we drink and toast to new beginnings, yes?”

“Yes!”

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

The party had been in full swing for hours now. Ben and the other guests enjoyed the live jazz band who played all the holiday classics, the endless champagne and open bar, and the hors d'oeuvres the waiters diligently kept in abundance. From the veranda, Ben stood leaning against the thick sculpted cement railing clutching his glass of finely aged scotch. He observed the guests inside from the open french doors as they laughed and talked amongst themselves. He watched his mother and father dance to the tempo of the music, their eyes never leaving each other. 

He laid his eyes on Rey talking to an indistinguishable man. She looked happy, truly happy, as she stood there deeply involved in the conversation. It was all picturesque to Ben as he sat in the chilled night air, sipping his scotch and allowing it to fill him with warmth. He turned his head to his right, looking past the perfectly trimmed rose bushes to the deep night sky. His eyes jumped to each glittering star, thinking about how the outlook of his future changed so drastically. He was not scared or even anxious about the possibilities it held. All he truly knew was that he loved Rey Palpatine and she loved him back. 

Ben took another drink from his glass, savoring the burning sensation as he swallowed. He felt warm, bubbly even, and on the verge of a strong buzz but who cared? It was Christmas and he had the one thing he always wanted. ‘Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas’ began playing with a strong note from the baritone saxophone and, slowly, the rest of the band joined in. He took a deep breath, letting the atmosphere wash over him with much needed relief. The weight on his chest eased. His shoulders relaxed and his stress melted away.

It may have been the party, the alcohol, or Rey, but all three of those things created an intoxicating rush within him, swirling his heart awake. It felt like he had come out of stasis and was thrust back into the world of the living. He watched Rey more closely now, tracking her every slightest expression and movement. Like the way she threw her head back when she _really_ laughed or how she crinkled her nose when a waiter passed by with caviar on his tray. He followed the supple rise and fall of muscles in her arms. He traced every inch of her skin with a scrutinizing eye. 

Rey turned her head suddenly, glancing about the room with confusion riddling her face as if she was looking for someone, but Ben sat still, happy to watch her unnoticed from the shadows. She turned dramatically looking left and right, the skirt of her dress swaying with her movements. He watched her from over the rim of his glass as he drank, undoubtedly looking like a wild animal. Ben sat his crystal tumbler on the flat edge of the railing he rested on with a hollow clunk before returning back to people watching. Instead, he was met with a woman in a blush ball gown striding towards him with graceful steps. 

“Mr. Solo,” Rey regarded him with a playful tip of her champagne flute before she sipped from it. 

“Miss Palpatine,” Ben greeted her back, bowing at the waist with a few locks of hair falling around his jaw. 

“Are you having fun being a sulking beanpole out in the cold?” Rey bantered light-heartedly with a toothy smile.

“I don’t ‘ _sulk’_ and for your information, yes, I am enjoying myself. How’s the party?”

“It’s fun. I got to meet your parent’s friends and I got asked to dance by... what was his name? Poe?”

“Did you now?” Ben cocked an eyebrow at her, hoping she declined the offer. Poe was the manwhore of the office, fucking any pretty thing with legs, and he did not want Rey anywhere near his grubby clutches. 

“I did, but I politely refused.” Relief washed over Ben at her word, thank God. 

“Ben,” his name left her lips, “come inside, it’s freezing.” Rey took his hand up in hers. Her hold was delicate, soft and warm around his as she pulled him behind her and left no room for him to deny her order.

He would go wherever she wanted just as long as she kept holding his hand. They crossed the threshold into the ballroom. Warmth clung to him, thawing his chilled skin as they walked deeper into the expansive room. The assembled guests parted for the couple with polite smiles and salutations. Rey set her glass down on a cocktail table dressed in white linen before she dropped his hand and turned back to him. The band began the first notes of ‘The Christmas Waltz’, a fun and playful take on the traditional pieces chosen for a waltz. Ben never danced at these things, but this year he had a good reason to. If he waited any longer, he would lose his chance to ask.

“Rey,” she turned to look at him, “may I have this dance?” He asked in a rich murmur as she blushed and her jaw dropped slightly. But she did not say anything, only offering him her hand. 

Ben took her hand gently in his large hand and led her past other couples, heading towards the center of the room. They walked, tethered by the tender grasp of their hands, parallel to each other and breaking the line of people blocking the dance floor. Ben walked them in a circle, introducing his lovely partner to the room of watching guests. His eyes locked with hers as he gave her hand a small tug. Rey turned effortlessly into his body, gown billowing out behind her. Her shoulder met his chest making his breath catch and heart jump in delight. 

Ben took her other hand that crossed over her, holding her securely to him as he slowly leaned into a backward lunge. Rey leaned with him as she looked up at him in astonishment. Ben’s eyes never left hers. Gradually, he brought her back to her feet and let go of her hand. She spun out from him, returning to the start. Rey walked slowly to him, bringing up her free arm and allowed Ben to place his hand at the small of her back. She took a soft hold on his shoulder when the music began to quicken. 

It was as if Rey had danced this dance before. She moved so effortlessly with him as they rotated, spun, and circled the length of the dance floor. They moved as one, the upbeat tempo of the music playing and their eyes interlocked, breathing in sync, and the rest of the world melted away. It was as if the music faded, the people dissipated, and the gold-gilded walls evaporated. Ben led her, commanding her in his movements. His breaths quickened with the thoughts flashing behind Rey’s eyes. 

His heart pounded in his chest with the wonderment of the private, intimate moment they shared as they danced. Each step came so naturally as they moved with the box steps of a waltz. Slowly, Ben felt a fire grow hungrily within him while watching his partner as she watched him. The passion expressed in the confines of the movements made his heart swell to a great crescendo. Rey exhaled heavily as he pulled her in closer to his body. She was soft against the lean mass of his torso as he pressed her into him, leaving no space between them. 

“Ben,” she breathed softly, sweetly, as he watched her perfect lips mouth his name. He swooned internally at how he wished to kiss her at that moment. 

The last steps came as they rotated back to the center of the floor. The music seemed to fade back into his ears as the walls of the room reappeared around them. His heart pumped harder than ever before as he watched Rey spin out of his hold and her gaze left him. He was anxious to have her back in his arms. Slowly, she twirled underneath his extended arm as she made her way back to him, their hands never leaving each other. Rey looked up at him from under her lashes as he brought a heavy hand to her back again. Her arm took ahold of his shoulder as the music came to the last swell. Ben shifted his stance, sweeping Rey off her feet while holding her firmly. Rey dipped, arching over his arm as she brought her hand from his shoulder. Her eyes followed the extension of her arm ending in an effortless pose. 

The last notes played from the band, the dance was over. Ben looked over the woman in his arms, arched over in his hold, and feeling the curves of her body. His eyes traced the muscles of her craned neck as he pulled her upward steadily. As she rose, her arm went back to his and roved upward as he reeled her closer to him. He watched her eyes, reading them, looking to see if they matched his. Her chest rose and fell with sharp breaths,her lips slightly parted. He brought her tightly into his body and held her there. Rey’s eyes pleaded with him to come closer. A wave of nerves, for the first time all night, ran through him as he bowed his head to her and lowered his face to meet hers. The tip of his nose caressed hers as he inched forward. Her breath was warm as it washed over his skin. Her sweet perfume filled his nose and her presence drew him in with ease. 

Rey puckered her lips in invitation before he took them completely with his. She was sweet. She was delicate. She was his. Ben kissed her gently, both unmoving in the newfound sensation of the kiss. He felt on fire. Ben pulled her further into him, deepening the kiss with the whirlwind moment of yearning. Rey mewled against his lips, filling him completely with needy longing. 

A roar of cheers and applause from the magically reappeared guests ripped them from their private world. Rey broke the heated kiss first with an embarrassed smile as she looked around at the forgotten crowd. Ben reluctantly released his partner from his hold as they both straightened awkwardly and bowed to the gathered crowd. 

Ben swiftly took Rey’s hand in his and pulled her with him as he led her off the dance floor. The guests parted quickly as the couple made their way to the back of the ballroom. Clapping still followed as they raced through the open french doors and into the frigid night air. Rey laughed as she walked behind him out onto the deserted veranda. Ben guided them down the stone steps of the terrace and into the garden. He turned abruptly to Rey, stopping at a neatly trimmed hedge. A mischievous smile spread across his face at her look of confusion. He stepped in closer, causing Rey to walk backward until her back was flush with the dense bush. He took her face in his large hands, wasting no time in picking up where they left off. 

Away from the maddening, prying crowd, Ben pressed his lips to hers with vigor feverishly as if he could not get enough of the intoxicating poison that seeped from them. He ran his fingers through the loose curls at the nap of her neck and grabbed a handful in his fist, tugging lightly when she began to move her lips against his. Her kiss felt like heaven to touch as his tongue grazed her plump bottom lip, begging and pleading for permission. Rey parted her lips, meeting his tongue with her own and Ben let out a desperate groan. He was made weak by the delectable, wet flesh. His fist pulled her hair tighter as he felt euphoria running through him at her touch. Her delicate hands rose to his waist, digging her nails into the material of the jacket as she moaned into him. Rey pressed her body into his as his free hand landed on her waist.

Her supple breasts met his torso, compressing them against his chest. Ben felt his cock twitch in his trousers as he moaned into her. She felt so right. Even during all the fights, sideways comments, and silent treatments, it had always been her. He could not explain just what this moment felt like, but it churned in his chest like a hot fire that quickly took over his senses. He burned at the feel of her pressed against him. He was set aflame by her cloying smell. He was lit up by the taste of her lips. He was incinerated by her dulcet moans. Everything he knew in this moment was Rey, and he was unbothered by the feeling of never needing to know anything else. 

Their kiss turned fiercely passionate when Rey’s hands rose to his loose waves and pulled them with force before she brought herself further into the kiss. Their lips worked together with a desolating need. Ben moaned loudly against her, catching her lip with his teeth and garnering a frail whimper from her. His length came to full attention within the increasingly tight confines of the slim pants as he basked in her response. He pulled her hair harder, yearning to be closer to her than their attire afforded them. 

In that moment, Ben Solo would have loved nothing more than to hike up that pretty little dress and take her right then and there under the wintry night sky. And, God, was he aching to find out what she felt like. Would she like it hard and roughly fervent like the kiss they were sharing? He wondered what she would sound like. Would she moan deeply or whimper under his lascivious, worshiping touch? This was killing him. Either he stopped now or he went through with his plan, and he was highly leaning towards the former. This is not how he wanted their first time to be, outside in the cold and exposed to being discovered. No, he wanted her all to himself. 

“Rey,” he breathed, breaking his lips from hers as he loosened the grip on her hair, “Not here.”

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

**Author Notes:**

Another chapter has come and gone. So our space babies are finally accepting their fates... Or are thy O.o ??

I hope you all enjoyed the update. And remember to feed and water your writers!

With love,

E


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back! I am so happy to see you here! Our story is coming to an end, but what a fun journey it has been. But as always, we have some more drama, soooooo, enjoy!
> 
> Thanks, again, to Lexrayne2187 for beta-ing this for me!

Ben sipped his coffee tentatively on the terrace the next morning and read over the newspaper. The Solo’s party had made the front page of the small town, reporting on the wonders inside the mansion and a small piece about the Solo themselves. He laughed to himself about how something so insignificant made the front page as he thumbed to the finance and business section. 

**_Millennium: What You Need To Know_ **

_Erica Garcia_

_The Solo Investment Group is launching an app come the start of the new year. This app has been long-awaited since its announcement at last year’s annual shareholder’s meeting, creating a buzz on the internet. The app is truly a game-changer for the old-fashioned company. It allows you to sell and trade on the markets without any hefty broker fees and with the security you need. An insider at The Solo Investment Group was quoted saying,_

_“This app is going to change the whole system, create an easy revenue for an average trader, and experienced ones to trade successfully.” And since its announcement, the Solo Investment Group’s stocks have shot up to record numbers in the months leading up to the app's release date. This is big news for the firm, no doubt propelling the company into the Fortune Top 50 from its current spot at 80. The group also announced that they were in the process of a colossal merger with HoloNet, a large broadcasting network conglomerate, with the projected sale date of 2024 to the Solo Investment Group._

_The heir apparent to the company, Ben Solo, made a statement to Resistance News a week ago in an exclusive with reporter, Rose Tico, speaking of the hopeful outlook of the whole company. “[Yes], I can say with certainty that everyone is very excited for the app to launch come January. It has been a lot of overtime and hard work, but it is well worth it to us. I can also say that everyone is relieved the app is finally coming out.”_

_Big things are in the works for the Solo Investment Group, undoubtedly reaping hard-earned benefits from the countless man-hours spent to modernize and reorganize the company. The eligible bachelor, Ben Solo, has been accredited for revolutionizing the way people will interact with the stock market and is sure to dazzle us on his next project._

Ben agreed with the article wholeheartedly, the company was well on its way to the Top 50 with all of the hard work he had put in over the last five years. When he came in, his father was still typing out memos on an electronic typewriter from the ’80s and had rows of filing cabinets filled with papers that could have easily been recorded digitally. Now it was the leading company in its field and the picture of a modern workplace. He loved his work and if that made him a workaholic, as Rey put it so eloquently, then so be it. He was elbow-deep in the muck of it and relished in it. Ben worked long after everyone had gone and well through the weekends. He survived solely on the grace of God and coffee, lots of coffee. Damn it, he deserved more articles like this.

Ben plucked out the page of the newspaper, folding it neatly to save for later. This was the first article that actually spoke of the sacrifices he made for the company and it needed to be cherished, hung on the wall even. Maybe if Rey actually cared to read the news once and awhile, she would know why he put in such long hours at the office. He did not mind her teasing him over it though, he rather liked the coy flirtation. 

He took up his mug again and blew on the steamy liquid in an effort to cool it before sipping. It was black and unsweetened, the only way it had an effect on him. The bold taste of the rich body and dulcet undertones took over his taste buds, coaxing his eyes into an induced sense of alertness. Everything felt right. The sun was warm as it shone, warming him from the chill in the breeze. The sun spotlighted him through the parted clouds. The sweet smell of the rose garden wafted around him. Finally feeling like he had gotten up on the right side of the bed for a change. 

“Mornin’, Son,” Han greeted him with an affectionate pat to his back before taking the chair next to his, “that was some party last night.”

“You’re telling me.” Ben smiled at the memory of last night. 

“Don’t even get me started on that dance. When the hell did that even happen, you and Rey?” Han asked, his gruff voice filled with bewilderment and earnest curiosity. 

“I suppose it has been a long time coming,” Ben replied truthfully, happily.

“Looked like it from where I stood. You two captured the crowd, everyone just stopped to watch.”

“I didn't even notice anyone else was there, honestly.”

“So, you two finally came to terms, I’m guessing?” 

“It is somewhat unspoken.” His father’s face turned mischievous at Ben's words. “No, Dad, not like that. You dirty old man. But, yes, we have. I just think certain things needed to be said before we went any further.”

“It was physically painful to watch you and Rey over the last nine years. Your mother and I kept thinking of just throwing you two in a room to work it out if it went on any longer.” 

“I think we would have fought like feral cats if you'd done that.”

"You're probably right. Well, good luck. She's a keeper." Han said as he stood, leaving his son on the veranda. 

Ben sat back in his chair with his eyes closed and face upturned to the warmth of the sun. Yes, everything was going to be okay now. The universe had corrected itself, aligned the stars just for him. That was until his eyes shot open with a terrifying thought.

Ben burst through the door of Rey’s room. It was spotless and absent of her, not even a sock was left on the floor. Confusion hit him like a wild wave against a cliffside. What happened? Had he done something wrong? Ben thought that last night had been amazing. No, more than amazing, it was perfect. Why would Rey leave without saying goodbye? His heart sank into his stomach. What had he done? It made no sense to him about why she would just disappear without a trace. Did she second guess taking him back? That thought hurt more than her leaving. Maybe Rey did not want him after all. Maybe she thought she deserved better than him. 

Ben wanted answers. He thrust his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone. His fingers trembled as he slid them across the screen. He stared at her contact information and debated if he should call her at all. He brought the phone to his ear as the dial tone began to sound through the speaker. It rang and rang and rang. Voicemail. He ended the call immediately and redialed her number. He waited for her to pick up, giving her the time to pick up. But she didn’t and again Ben was sent to voicemail. He felt panicky, angry, dejected. He slumped against the wall with his phone still clutched in his hand. Ben let himself fall down the wall, his body felt numb as he hit the floor. 

He put his forehead to his knees with a sigh. He did not understand what was going on. _Why, Rey? What did I do, please just tell me what’s wrong,_ he thought to himself. He looked at his phone, thinking how desperate it would make him look if he texted her or tried to call her again. Who was he kidding? This was Rey, _his_ Rey, and he did not care if it made him look pathetic. Damn it, he needed answers. He brought the phone closer, unlocking it. He thumbed through his messages, looking for their old conversations. Ben tapped the screen, opening it. 

_Rey, what happened? Where are you?_

Ben stared at the message for ten minutes with no response. So, he sent another.

_Please pick up the phone. I don’t know what happened. Don’t freeze me out again._

Again he waited for a read receipt, a reply, anything, but all he was left was silence. 

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

The cars and road whizzed by as Ben shifted his ‘68 Aston Martin DB6 into fifth gear. He paid no attention to his speed, his mind was in linear focus as he flew down the highway. He only cared where he was heading, to _her_. As he drove, he garnered an almost endless amount of honks from the cars he passed. He took the next exit, slowing down on the service road. The red light seemed to take forever as Ben sat idling in a long line of traffic. His determination mixed seamlessly with anxiety, making time pass painstakingly fast. Each second that passed was a commodity he could not afford. The cars in front of him finally begin moving with the green light. Ben took his turn at the light, heading into Rey's neighborhood.

He had not been here in many years. Each house looked the same with few differences in style and brick colors. But he knew which one was hers. The big white house at the end of the street with the red door, the only house on the street that was not decorated for Christmas. Ben put the car in park with haste and turned the car off. He swung the door open, lifting himself out of the car. His eyes looked the house over. The lights were off, giving the appearance that no one was home. But if he knew Rey at all, she was certainly home and upstairs in her room reading under the warmth of a blanket. 

Ben took to the walkway and up the painted wooden steps to her front porch. The red door stared at him, making him question even coming. His anxiety coursed through his brain, his blood, filling him with uncertainty. His hands were clammy despite the slight chill to the air, but he balled them into tight fists as he raised a hand to the doorbell. The chime echoed inside as Ben quickly peered through the window just off the door. A light in the upstairs hall came to life, but no one appeared. 

He watched with an observant eye as his heart beat hard against his chest, waiting for Rey to emerge. What if she did not want him or wanted nothing to do with him? He already felt so rejected and he had not even talked to her yet. He kept his head held high and his back straight, not letting his feelings reflect on the outside. He reminded himself that he needed answers before he let the feeling of rejection in. 

As if ages had passed Rey appeared from the hall, walking down the carpeted stairs of the entryway. The red door opened slowly to Rey barely making eye contact with her visitor. The sight of her made him feel so angry, yet relieved at the same time. He was angry that she left him after the most amazing night of his life. He was angry that she froze him out, ghosted him completely until he showed up on her doorstep uninvited. 

Her deep eyes looked up at him. They were red, puffy, and sad. Her lips were in a tight line and she was completely silent. They stood there, in a quiet and unwavering stare-down on her front porch. Had she nothing to say to him? No explanation for her actions? What was wrong? Ben knew that December was a lonely time for Rey, but had he not shown that he _wanted_ to be there for her? That he wanted her?

“What do you want?” Rey broke the silence with a cool tone that matched the afternoon air. 

“What do I want? Is that all you have to say to me, Rey?” Ben scoffed at her, frustrated, as he raked his fingers of one broad hand through the loose curls. “What happened? One minute we are having an amazing time and the next you leave without a word and go radio silent? You ignore my texts and calls. I don’t get it. Help me understand what went wrong.” 

“Nothing happened. We danced, we kissed, Christmas was over and I went home. Plain and simple.” Her tone was nonchalant as she spoke, completely ignoring the fact that it was not ‘plain and simple’ to him . The past couple of days meant more than what she suggested and he knew she had felt it, too; even if she would not allow herself to accept it. 

“You have to be fucking kidding me, woman! You know that it is not just ‘plain and simple’! When we danced, it was like the whole world fell away. If you tell me that you felt nothing when we kissed, I will leave you alone forever and you will never have to worry about me again. But, fuck, Rey, don’t just freeze me out again. I need you to be honest, so be honest with me. Be a big girl now and use your words.” His words spewed out of him vehemently, unable to stop himself as his hand dropped from his locks. 

He needed answers. He needed to know if she felt it, too. He _needed_ to know if she loved him as he loved her. It angered him that she ran away instead of dealing with it. If she did not care for him like he hoped for, then she could give him the common courtesy of not leading him on. Rey stayed silent for a moment, looking away from him. He could see something welling up inside of her as she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. He did not care if it turned into another screaming match, he was not leaving here empty-handed.

“Why are you even here?” she asked, wincing at her tone.

“Oh-my-fucking-God, you are insufferable!” He exhaled deeply, “I’m here to fight. I’m here to get mad. I’m here to tell you that your actions have consequences. This is what you wanted, right? Nine years ago? Well, here I am, Rey; here I am.”

“No one asked you to be here. No one asked you to be my knight and shining armor to come rescue me. News flash, Ben, I have been doing just fine on my own. I don’t need you and you don’t need me. You never needed me. Last night was a fluke induced by the holidays and alcohol. Whatever it was, it wasn’t real.”

“Never needed you? A fluke? You are so far in denial that you can’t see what is right in front of you. What has been right in front of you all this time?”

“I saw the truth.”

“No, what you saw is what you wanted to see. You wanted to see me as a monster, a soulless bastard that broke your heart. But what you failed to notice is how I’ve been stealing glances at you, riling you up just so you would speak to me, and pathetically pining over you for years.” 

“Liar!”

“If that’s how you need to see me then add it to the list, Rey, and just ignore the fact that I’m here right now, on your porch, fighting for _you_.”

Something began to stir behind her eyes as he watched, waiting for her reply. He was frustrated at how far she had buried herself in denial, so scared to see what he offered her. Scared that he would leave her all alone. Scared that he would just throw her away like garbage, used up and her purpose fulfilled. That is why she is upset, right?

When she did not respond, Ben continued, “If you really can’t say that you feel what I feel, then I will leave… just don’t lead me on.” His voice softened at the thought that she really may not ever want or trust him again. 

Rey said nothing, only looking away from him. Ben sighed deeply, half accepting what her silence meant. 

“I think I understand now. Let the past die, Rey; kill it if you have to. You want to live in a world where you are wrapped up in a cocoon of your past, then you will never escape it and move on. I will be here, waiting. Just don’t make me wait forever.” Ben said in a pained, trembling voice as he began to turn and walk away. At least now he knew that she wanted nothing to do with him. 

His back was turned to her as he began to take a step towards the porch steps. Ben Solo did not want to leave her. He did not want to put whatever this was to rest, but what could he do? It was like talking to a brick wall; deep-rooted, unwavering in a spun-up facade of strength. How could he get any point across when she was contrary and petulant at every word that left his mouth? 

He hesitated for a moment with his foot lingering to take a step, waiting for her to say anything. But all she gave him in return was cold, defiant silence. Ben sighed deeply as he walked down the creaky steps and across the sidewalk to his car, refusing to look back. He had nothing left to say to her that could convince her. He’s defeated by that thought alone.

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

New Year’s Eve

The days after Christmas passed at an agonizing rate for Ben. Meetings at work were bland and he was unable to focus on any singular task. He had begun to be sloppy with his reports, something he never was and left well before anyone else. He was a complete and utter wreck, still dumbfounded by all that had transpired. He struggled with restraining to text or call Rey, to plead with her. He wanted her, nothing else. Ben needed to hear her say that she wanted him like he wanted her. Unrestrained, wholeheartedly, and unconditionally loving each other without fear. 

His stomach had been in knots and a lump had made a home in his throat for the whole week. He felt sick and had no inclination to celebrate tonight with his family, even if there would be enough liquor to drown himself in. The end of 2020 was here. Thank God, 2020 was a trifling-ass ho that fucked his whole world up in just a few days. At least 2021 would take him away from the fleeting memories of Christmas and thrust him deeper into his work with the Millennium app launching tomorrow. 

His phone chimed shortly, notifying him that he had received a text message. He couldn’t help the hope that momentarily speared his heart. _Please let it be her_. Ben shifted his leg on the couch, snaking his hand into his pocket and grabbing the smooth glass of the cell phone. He clicked the screen on and opened the message. 

_Ben, honey, it’s mom. You haven’t replied to your father and I for days. We are worried about you. I hope to see you tonight. We love you so much._

Ben sat staring at the screen for a minute feeling numb. He exhaled a long breath before he began to type out a reply. _I'll see you tonight. Is Rey coming? She hasn't talked to me since the party._ He was anxious to know if she had reached out to anyone. 

Almost instantaneous his mother replied to him. 

_I don't know, darling. But I am so happy you are coming. I will see you later. Keep your chin up. She’ll come around,_ she replied. 

Ben locked the screen and promptly threw the phone onto the cushion next to him. This was bullshit and he knew it. Why couldn't she just see what he saw? Why did she have to be the most stubborn, short-tempered, passionate, beautiful, crazy, wonderful woman he had ever known? He wanted to be hers so completely and it was heart-wrenching torture to sit idly by in the middle of her silent treatment. Burning, yet frozen in the icy tundra that was Rey. All he could do was sit and think, stewing and pining. He was frustrated, to say the least, and was pent up. 

He could not understand for the life of him how she could be so… so incapable of accepting the love, the partnership he wanted to give her. How could she be so blind? It perplexed him to the point that if Ben sat there trying to decipher ever changing mystery that was Rey then he would spiral into madness. He did not want that. No, he just wanted her to be open to a civil conversation about the prospect of their relationship. But, of course, Rey being Rey, he would have to force her into any form of a discussion kicking and screaming. She would never go so willingly, that brat. He wished he could shake her. Drag her into the real world instead of the morphed reality of denial she lived in. 

Ben was done. He just wanted to forget and get so drunk that Rey wouldn't matter any longer. At least then he could just let go, even if it were just for a night. Fuck it, he was going to go the his parent’s party. Ben needed to be released from the past week of utter hell. He lifted his heavy frame from the deep couch and walked through his living room. His room sat clean with an unmade bed of black sheets. Guess he never grew out of the color combination of blacks and greys. The sleek and modern bathroom in his apartment came to life as he switched the light on. He eyed himself in the mirror as his face twisted in disgust. _Pathetic,_ he called himself before he turned away unable to face the man in the mirror. 

He fingered the buttons of his shirt, stripping the article from his torso and casting it to the floor. His broad hands went to the cinched belt at his waist unbuckling it as he kicked off his shoes and socks. Ben dropped his pants to the tiled floor with his boxers as he made his way to the shower stall, turning the hot water on full blast. He did not care if it made him a psychopath. He let the water wash over him and take his stress with it. His lungs inhaled the steam that surrounded him as it loosened the knot that was tied there. Ben shampooed and conditioned his hair and washed his body, trying his best to keep his mind off the single woman that was as equally beautiful as she was stubborn. 

Later after getting dressed in a simple, fitted black suit and tie with his hair combed back, he got into his car. Ben drove to his parents’ house, the local radio station blaring _NENA’s_ 99 Red Balloons; a blast from the past to encourage the listeners to feel electric and upbeat for the approaching New Year. Despite his sour mood, he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, humming off-key to the German lyrics, not understanding a word. Ben even started to sing the foreign words poorly but hoping that the lyrics and beat could lift his spirits. The city was alive tonight, lit up with colorful lights and people driving into downtown to gather for midnight. Luckily he was leaving it for his parent’s house in the upper-class countryside. 

Traffic was light on the highway leaving the city and allowed him to shift his ‘68 DB6 into fifth gear flooring the gas. He felt as alive as the city. His blood coursed with reckless abandon. His brain buzzed. His heart pumped. Rey, who? This is what he lived for at this moment, feasting on the pleasure of it all. The engine roared with appreciation, vibrating the cabin of the car and reverberating through his body. The radio host came through his speakers joyfully speaking to all the listeners tuned in. 

“Welcome back, this is your host, JJ, bringing you all the classics to today’s hits. We’ve got some good ones coming up, but this one goes out to all the lovebirds out there. Happy New Year!” The next song was, in fact, not a love song. The music faded in slowly, low tempo, and as soon as the artist began singing he recognized it. Ben cursed the station for playing _Circles_ by Post Malone, a song that just hit too close to home. 

_“Run away, but we're running in circles,”_ He swiftly changed the station to the next. It just made him rethink the last week of utter torment. About the party, their kiss, Rey running away from herself and away from him; no, that is not what he wanted to think about. 

The next station began to play a popular EDM song as he took the connecting highway. As the music pumped through the speakers that shook the bass, he cast away the reason why he was going to his parents to get royally drunk. He rapped his palm on the wheel with the beat as he drove fast, allowing the music to take over him completely. He did not care about anything at all; all he needed was this escape, even just for one night. 

The exit for the Solo estate came quickly, too quickly if Ben thought about it. He supposed the speeding and music played a part, making the hour drive pass with ease. He turned onto the private road and passed the main entrance of the house, now at a safe speed, and saw the long line of cars slowly filling in. Yes, tonight was filled with possibilities and fresh starts and lots of drinking, Ben thought as the towering wrought iron gate swung open. He shifted the car out of neutral and into first gear, slowly maneuvering into the driveway toward the garage. Throwing the car into park and pulling the e-brake, Ben cut the engine. He opened his door and lifted himself out of the low sitting coupe. He made his way through the open garage and into the house. 

The house was alive, teaming with the excited chatter of people he had never met before. People were everywhere as he ventured further into the house, all dressed semi-formally in glittering cocktail dresses and casual suits. Ben headed straight for the ballroom, desperate and eager for a drink. The dance hall was as packed as the rest of the house as he waded through the crowd. 

The bartender asked him for his order and Ben promptly gave it; ordering a double of the strongest scotch, neat, and a shot of whatever whiskey was on hand. The man gave him a nod and started to fill his order immediately. That is one thing he appreciated about bartenders, they did not ask questions. They only provided the liquid he could use to drown away his troubles. Not that he was an alcoholic by any means but, tonight, Ben was trying to forget. He did not care if he paid for it in the morning; at least for just one night, he could be free of _her_. 

Ben took the shot glass in hand and brought it to his parted lips. He tossed it back with a hiss as the liquor stung his throat and slammed the glass back onto the bar upside down. He picked up his scotch and saluted the man with it before he sipped from it, turning away from him to face the party. Tonight there was no live band. Instead, a popular local DJ had set up at the far end of the ballroom, to spin records and bob his head to the music. Ben drank from his glass again as if his sanity depended on it when Poe, the office manwhore, approached him. 

“Woah, slow down there, buddy,” Poe interjected his piece with that classic debonair grin and a hard pat to Ben’s shoulder, sloshing his drink around in his glass. 

“Shut up, Dameron,” Ben said with a frustrated sigh as he brought the glass from his lips and held it casually out beside him.

“Burr, that’s cold, man.” He pretended to be hit with a blast of cold air as he brought his arms around him, his smirk never leaving his face. 

“Have you ever known me to be anything else?” Ben replied with a monotone voice having no bandwidth for his douchebaggery tonight. 

“You’ve got a point there, touché. But look at all these _fine_ possibilities here tonight. I call dibs on that one. See her? The one with that tight ass in the corner?” He pointed his finger at a tall, slender redhead. She was pretty, but not quite Ben’s type.

“Ha, what makes you think she would let you touch her with your grubby hands?” He said thinking that any woman would be too good for the likes of Poe Dameron. 

“Well, aren’t you in rare form tonight. What bitch broke your heart? Here this should help,” Poe took Ben’s hand that held his drink and lifted it to his mouth, “There, just like that. Drink up.” Ben did not need Poe to tell him he needed to drink more, but he played along and drank deeply from the glass with a sour expression. Rey was _not_ a bitch. 

“See, isn’t that better,” Poe asked before he turned back to the crowd, “Which of these _lucky_ ladies are you taking home tonight?” 

Ben looked around the room at all the young women dressed in their tight, short cocktail dresses. That was not the goal for him tonight. He did not want to bed any of these women, even if their outfits left little to the imagination. Ben only shrugged again and drank the last of his scotch, placing it on the bar behind him and signaling the bartender for another. 

“Really? There are a bunch of fives here, at least one of them would be willing to sleep with the most eligible bachelor.” Ben looked at him with a cocked eyebrow at Poe’s back-handed compliment, growing more tired of his arrogance. 

“Not really my thing to have a whole bunch of one night stands,” he said, taking his refill from the bar and sipping it. He started to feel a slight buzz coming on.

“But they’re great. There are no expectations. You don’t have to call when you said you would. You don’t have to cuddle. You just sleep with them and call an Uber after. You are missing a lot of good tail out there, my friend.” 

“I’m not your friend. I’m your boss, Dameron.”

“Eh boss smosh, who cares,” he batted his words away, “I’m just trying to enlighten you on being a free man. That girl must have really done a number on you.”

“Yeah, you’d understand if you weren’t such a manwhore,” Ben berated, frustrated with Poe’s awful advice. 

“Ow. Well, buddy, I’m off to get that sexy red-head. Enjoy yourself tonight.” Ben scoffed as he watched Poe saunter off to his next conquest. He was not Poe’s ‘buddy’.

Ben would enjoy himself tonight. All he needed was his drink and nothing else. Unless, of course, Rey decided to come back to reality and join him. Ben sighed, that would not happen anytime soon if he knew her at all. The music overhead changed to a new song as Ben bobbed his head and body with it and drank simultaneously. He was loosening up, allowing the alcohol and the atmosphere to pull him out of his head. It felt good to be out and around people he did not really know, unafraid if he made a drunken fool of himself. 

Allowing himself to be carefree in his dance moves, something Stone Cold Sober Ben would never dream of doing in a room full of strangers. He tipped his head back, still moving with the song as he polished off his second scotch. Getting into the party mood, he whooped and hollered. He shuffled back to the bartender, setting his glass down more sloppily than he intended. He did not even bother to ask for another drink as he leaned over the bar and picked up the closest bottle. He pulled off the metal pourer, throwing it to the ground. 

The crowd began to gather around the DJ, the booming song playing overhead and thumping through the speakers. Ben moved to join them with the full bottle of alcohol in hand and wove his way through the thick of the dancers. Inebriated women were being plucked from the crowd by equally drunk men and danced all around him. Ben was content to vibe with himself as he swayed to the music. He tossed his head back with the bottle to his lips, cursing the burn but loving it all the same time. A young, attractive woman appeared in front of him with sultry blue eyes and moved her body seductively to the rhythm. Her body-conforming dress showed off her curves as she danced. Ben took another deep swig from the bottle. _Fuck it_ , he thought. He was drunk enough at this point that he guessed a dance couldn’t be so horrible. It is not like Rey wanted him, so why should he stop himself from a harmless dance?

The woman turned her back to him, moved closer to his body, and began grinding her ass on him. He was numb to her, not really finding her attractive, but he was focusing on not thinking. The fake blonde undulated against his pelvis and pressed her shoulders to him. Ben looked down, detachedly watching her move against him, as he brought the bottle up to his lips again and trying to pretend it was Rey who danced with him. He swallowed the liquid fire as he offered the woman a drink. Her hands took it eagerly from his grasp. She put it to her mouth, throwing her other arm up in the air and swaying to the music. She drank from the bottle deeply before she handed it back to Ben, threading a hand into his black locks. 

He willed himself to like her touching him, but nothing budged. The alcohol began to really take an effect on him as he lifted a large hand to her waist and planted it there. He imagined her as someone else, but he would not even think of her name again. The blonde threw her head back onto his chest as she began to slink her backside down the length of his long legs. He drank again and watched her come back up with the pounding music. At this rate, he was right on track for getting piss drunk. The liquor made his thoughts blur as he began to move a little with the woman. He spun her forcibly. Her eyes looked wild and confused as he pressed her slight frame into him. Her red-painted lips spread in a fiery smile as she caught his drift. 

He did not even know her name, did not care to know it. He wasn’t here for her. He wasn’t here for his mother or father. No, he was here to drink and drown out anything left of _her._ The woman pressed herself into him, compressing her almost obnoxiously fake tits into his torso. Ben internally grimaced at the feeling of them as he brought the now half-empty bottle to his lips, drinking himself further into oblivion. He was almost there. He could see the tipping point just off in the distance, just a little more. 

The song flowed effortlessly into the next, the crowd went wild with the bassline blaring through the speakers as _Sexy Back_ by Justin Timberlake began to play. The blue-eyed blonde cheered before she switched up her moves. Her small hand went to his black silk tie, she rubbed it delicately before tugging hard as she began to walk around him She traced her hands over his body, trying to take in the lean mass underneath the fitted suit. She must have liked what she found because she smacked his ass before she reappeared in front of him with piercing, hungry eyes. 

_Slut_ , Ben could not help the less than generous thought. Maybe he did not necessarily help by allowing her free reign. This woman was eager to eat him alive at a moment's notice. Ben smirked as he turned her around, not wanting to look at her face any longer and being sorely reminded that it was not Rey with whom he was drunkenly dancing. The woman ground harder against him as if looking to see if he was turned on by her, but she would find that he wasn’t. He just did not want to be alone tonight. 

Ben watched her ass make small, concentrated movements as he drank again from the bottle he had not let go of since he stole it from the bar. He felt loose and carefree as the music encapsulated him, transporting him far away from his troubles. The song came to an end and the blonde turned to look at him with a devious smile on her face, her eyes still hungry. Ben watched her watching him, but feeling nothing for her. 

There was an intermission between the last song and the next. The DJ was looking at his open laptop as the crowd stood, turning to talk to one another. The woman stepped closer to him and got to her tiptoes. Ben could smell the alcohol on her hot breath. He could feel his face scrunch up slightly at the feeling of it. She pursed her lips at him, moving closer. The air in his lung hitched. _No, not you,_ he thought to himself as he turned his face away and pulled back from her. The woman staggered, falling slightly when she did not find him. 

He turned back to her, her expression turned into anger as Ben stood there watching her with a look of disdain. He sipped from the bottle again, this seemed to really drive it home to the blonde. She reeled her hand back and drove it at him. Her hand slapped the clean-shaven skin of his face with force. Ben clenched his jaw at the stinging sensation. 

“Jerk,” she spat at him before stomping off. 

“Yep, that’s me,” he said bitterly to no one. Raising the bottle to his lips again, the liquor washed away the pain radiating from his face. The more he drank, the less it stung. 

“Yo, Yo, Yo! We got one hour to midnight. ‘Es get it!” The DJ announced with the intro of a new song coming out from the speakers. 

Ben took the bottle from his mouth and checked the remaining level. Fuck, it was eleven o’clock already. He looked over the heads of the crowd, casually scanning it for Rey. But she was nowhere to be found; of course, she wasn’t. Ben walked, half stumbling with each step he took as he broke through the crowd and made his way to a small cocktail table to rest heavily on it. He set the bottle on it, the liquid sloshing with the sloppy movement. Poe slunk to the table, disappointed. 

“Told you she wouldn’t go for you,” Ben greeted him. 

“Give me that,” Poe said bitterly, quickly taking the bottle from in front of his boss and gulping a sizable quantity. His heavy brows were pushed together as he forced the liquor down his throat. After several seconds of this, Poe hissed and slammed the glass bottle back onto the table. 

“What went wrong with that blonde? Saw the slap. That had to hurt.”

“You mean the fake blonde with equally fake tits? Not my type.”

“Man, it’s always the easy ones that are _very_ eager to please. How come she went after you? I’m a nice enough guy.” God, he was such a douchebag and Ben had no idea why he was his friend. 

“No, no, you’re not.” Be retorted, reassuring Poe that he in fact was a horrible man. 

“Oof, ouch. Who are you looking for?” Poe asked, taking another swig. 

“You met her at the Christmas party, asked her to dance,” Ben replied casually. 

“Hmm, oh, you mean Rey? Damn, what I would do to get in between those legs.” Maybe it was the alcohol, or Poe’s filthy words in regard to _his_ woman, or a combination of the two that made a wave of fierce anger begin to boil his blood. If Poe went on—no, he would not allow him to do that. Ben balled his hands into fists, trying to stifle the urge to hit him. 

“Poe,” his voice dropped dramatically in warning, “as your friend and your boss, I am asking you to shut your mouth.” 

“What? She’s a _fine_ piece of ass. I bet she—” That was it, he gave him a warning and asked him to stop talking about Rey like she was a loose woman. He did not even want to know what words were going to leave his mouth next. 

Ben turned to Poe, suddenly feeling sober, with angry darkness in his eyes. He stared at the poor excuse for a man before him. Poe’s face contorted into a look of confusion as he stared back at Ben Slowly, fear crept to his eyes. Poe brought his hands up in protest, but Ben’s fist balled tighter as he reeled back. He slammed his fist forward at the arrogant and pompous face of Poe Dameron, hitting him with uncanny force square in the jaw. The pissant dropped to the floor like a sack of bricks. 

Adrenaline was coursing through Ben as he seethed with anger. There was a shriek from behind him, he only now realized the DJ was still on break. The people closest turned to look at him before they spotted the unconscious man on the dance floor. Everyone stared with a look of shock on their faces. Ben loosened his fists and looked away from their bewilderment as he took up the bottle. He took a swig before he began to walk. The crowd promptly got out of his way, forming a path for him, not wanting the towering giant to turn his ferocity their way. 

The next song was indistinct to Ben’s ears as he walked through the open french doors and out to the attached veranda. The nippy winter air bit at his face as he walked down the steps into the rose garden. After he was sure he was far away from prying eyes, Ben slumped to the ground. His adrenaline faded as his breaths slowed and his sobriety slipped from him again. 

“Fucking-a,” he breathed, trying his best to ignore the throbbing pain in his knuckles. Surely, with the strength he hit Poe with, it was going to leave a bruise. _Fucking Poe_ , he cursed to himself and thinking of how much trouble he had gotten himself into. He should not have said those truly disgusting things about _her_. 

“Rey, where are you?” Ben asked the night sky, taking another drink.

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there everyone and welcome back!! This is our final chapter of this story and I am so happy that everyone has loved it. A big thanks to all of the readers out there, you guys are the best! 
> 
> Thank you to Lexirayne2187 for being the BIGGEST cheerleader and best beta a girl could ever ask for!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter to see what other kinds of shenanigans I am up to next!  
> Twitter: @ProcessedHuman
> 
> Now without further a due, let's get on to this truly explosive chapter! Enjoy ;)

New Year’s Eve, an hour and a half to midnight

Rey sat staring at herself in the mirror of her bathroom. Her nerves were running rampant at the thought of going to the Solo’s New Year’s Eve party. She tried to convince herself that staying home, hiding from Ben Solo would be the best choice. But... something inside her told her that she _must_ go. It was as if she did not show up then she would lose him forever, like this was the singular most important thing she could do in her life. She was mad with herself for letting it go this far. 

When Ben had shown up on her doorstep after Christmas, she had been so angry. Not so much at him, but at herself. She felt shameful for running away from the best man she has ever known. She was scared of him. Scared of the love he had for her. Scared to think that her life was no longer her own. Rey had clung to her self-reliance since she was a teenager. She took care of herself, never needing help from others. So when Ben had confessed to her, danced with her, and kissed her so passionately, she ran. It was the only thing she knew how to do. 

She never meant for him to leave her porch without any answers. She was screaming internally for him to come back and no matter how much she wanted to tell him, she froze, shut down. And anything that came out of her mouth landed more harshly than she meant. She had fucked up, royally. Rey knew that. She had to make it right. That settled it, she was going. 

She ran quickly to her closet, rummaged through her clothes trying to find a dress that said ‘I am hot and I know it, but not in a slutty way’. Rey considered a fitted spaghetti-strapped dress, _no, not that one; it screams, ‘I came here for the dick’_. She shuffled between a couple more articles of clothing before she stopped at the perfect dress. It was fitted, black, and exposed her defined collar bones and long neck elegantly. Revealing just enough that it made one imagine what might lay beneath the silky material, and modestly sexy enough that it would command the eyes of everyone in a room. But there was only one set of eyes she needed. 

Rey tossed her clothes off quickly and stepped into the dress that hugged her curves. She reached behind her, struggling to pull up the zipper from the middle of her back. After what seemed like ages of frantically trying to zip herself into the dress, and several choice words later, Rey finally pulled the dress closed around her. She used the palms of her hands to smooth the bunched material at her hips. Rey shuffled back to her bathroom. As fast as she could, she threw her hair into a french twist and did a hasty soft glam makeup look that was completed with a timelessly bold red lipstick. Rey had to admit to herself that she looked _damn_ good. And, if she was daring, she looked sexy. She gave herself a short nod, reassuring herself that she was doing the right thing. Dammit, she was going to fix this even if it took womaning-up and admitting she was wrong. 

Her tall, red peekaboo high heels sat haphazardly in the corner of her room. She walked over to them and aligned her feet with how her shoes were positioned. She stepped into them gingerly and took a finger to ease her heel into the shoes. Rey scurried out of her room, grabbing her purse on the way out into the hall, and dashed quickly down the stairs switching the lights off as she went. She descended the stairs to the kitchen, rounding the corners as she made her way to the far side of the room to the garage door. The overhead light begrudgingly flickered to life as she stepped to her car, clicking the fob on her new keychain from Ben. 

The lump of coal clattered against the door as she reached her hand under the handle of the car to open the door and get in. Her hands trembled as she slipped the key into the ignition. Yes, she was on the way to Ben. She was on the way to tell him that she loved him; that she wanted him, too. And that fact awoke the butterflies in her stomach. God, she just hoped she was not too late. She prayed that he had not given up hope on her. She swore to herself that she would never again deny herself someone, something, that would bring her true happiness. 

Rey cursed herself for letting it go on this long. She must have picked up the phone a thousand times with the intention of calling Ben, pleading with him to forgive her for being such a jackass. She knew she was difficult and, after all of this, she just hoped that he was still waiting for her. For the past week, all she did was jump at any notification from her phone, making sure to check every message and every call even if they were not from Ben. Most of her messages and calls were from either her phone company or telemarketers notifying her that her warranty on her car was about to expire; a car that was almost as old as her. 

Her foot practically floored the gas pedal as her ancient Honda Civic lurched and reluctantly obliged her when she began to merge onto the highway. The speedometer said one-hundred ten, but honestly, the car topped out at around seventy-five; anything higher and the car would take flight. Rey cursed her car because time was, quite literally, of the essence. By now, the traffic was non-existent when leaving the city, everyone at their destinations, and Rey thanked God for the small mercy. 

“We got one hour to go ‘til midnight. This is your host, JJ, bringing you classics to today’s hits this New Year. This one goes out to 2020 herself, may she rot in hell.” The radio host’s words sent Rey further into her rushed panic, as if she needed more of that at this moment. 

“Shit,” she cursed underneath her breath as she took the connecting highway out of the city, “I’m coming, Ben.”

Rey could not help but think that despite all her rushing and the hasty outfit choice, that it would not be enough and she would still be too late. If one of her many prayers were to come to light, it would be that the man she had treated with such disregard was there tonight.

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

New Year’s Eve, a half-hour until midnight

The Solo Estate was lit up in a spectacular fashion for the occasion, of course. The outdoor spotlights highlighted the columns, bringing the face of the mansion out of the shadows. Rey pulled her car into the front driveway, parking behind a series of luxurious cars. She gathered herself as she cut off the engine and got out of the car. She had to get in there, she had to find him. It felt like her whole life, her whole being, depended on it. A dire need. 

Even in her high heels, Rey walked with determination and haste as she climbed the steps to the entrance of the Solo mansion. The inside was as equally opulent and decorated as the outside of the house, but she paid it no mind as she passed well-dressed and drunken party-goers. Rey sidestepped the sloshing glasses and stumbling guests as she headed deeper into the house, all while looking at every man trying to find Ben. 

Her heart was pounding with ferocity against her chest and her breathing was brisk as she trudged through the droves of the ever-deepening crowd. Rey ran into a woman, practically falling over her. The small woman with greyed hair turned to look at her with a nasty look of anger as she faced her aggressor. Rey began to apologize looking down at the elegant woman when she realized that the woman was her Aunt Leia. 

“Oh, Leia! I am so sorry, but thank God I found you.” 

“Rey! You made it. We weren’t expecting you. You look-” Leia’s look of anger softened into an expression of shock and surprise with the recognition of who had bumped into her. 

“Quick, Leia. Where is Ben?” Rey had not a moment to spare for polite niceties. 

“Oh, honey, I’m afraid after the fight he disappeared.” Now it was Rey’s turn to be bewildered. 

“Fight?” Rey turned from her aunt, not leaving any room for another word, and headed straight towards the ballroom.

“Rey-” Leia called from behind her, but Rey’s determination was only deepened by her discovery and she did not look back. 

The ballroom was packed to the brim, leaving no breathing room for any single person. Rey shoved past the finely dressed men and women in her pursuit to find the one man that was worth a damn here. She received well-deserved protests in response to her brute force as she waded further into the crowd towards the open french doors. She could smell the alcohol that hung heavily in the air, but through the open doors the faint fragrance of familiar roses pulled her to the veranda. It was the one place Rey could think of that Ben would hide away from the maddening crowd. The rose garden was their own escape from a familiar setting just a week prior. The night air nipped at her face with the encroaching New Year. 

“YO! It’s your boy, DJ Cold Cutzzz. We got ten minutes to midnight, let’s take a ride with this funky beat to 2021!”

The sounds of the crowd cheering drifted to Rey’s ears but was dampened by the distance and night breeze. She looked to her left, scanning for any sign or hint of Ben. Then looking to her right, the stone steps that led to the garden pulled her towards them. Her heels clattered against the paved terrace and down the stairs. She rounded the trimmed hedges, following them deeper into the garden. As if her heart racing and hard breaths weren’t enough, her stomach was aflutter with roaring nerves as she traveled. 

Would he take her back into his arms so willingly after all she had done? Would he allow her to return his affection unrestrained, trusting that she would take care of his heart forever? Her heart panged at the possibility that she had given up her last chance with such a childish disregard, blinded by pride and embitterment. 

The lawn of the garden was interrupted by the shadow of a large mass lying in the grass. Rey practically ran towards it, knowing with all her heart that it _must_ be him. Who else would subject themselves to the bitter night just to get away from a party? 

“Ben,” She shouted, kicking off her heels as picked up her pace, “Benjamin Solo!”

The dark, broad figure turned their head in her direction before they began to stand and face her. As Rey approached she skitted to a halt before jumping with as much might as she could muster in the constricted binding of her dress. She threw her arms around his neck as her body crashed to his. His large hands instinctively took to her waist, but Rey’s surprise had left the man completely unprepared. The pair crashed to the ground, knocking the air out of their lungs. Ben’s eyes, deepened by the night, stared at hers trying to read her intentions. His brow furrowed and lips parted as he tried to regain his breath. His body was warm beneath hers, alive with the night. 

“Rey…” he said strained. Rey’s heart jumped at her name leaving his lips.

“Yes?” She replied, hoping all that left his mouth were the words she needed to hear most dearly. 

“You’re crushing me.”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Rey shifted her weight, easing the burden she put upon him. She brought her hands to either side of Ben’s head as she straddled him. She returned the regard he gave her, searching his eyes, looking for the answers to all her questions. Her breathing matched his hard breaths, his hands still holding her waist. 

After several minutes of staring into each other's eyes, Rey broke the silence but not their unwavering eye contact. “Ben, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that for the things I said and the things I didn’t say. Please forgive me. I treated you so horribly and I’m so ashamed of myself. ” 

He said nothing, only cocking an eyebrow at her.

“Please, I know I fucked up. I just pray I am not too late. Tell me I am not too late, Ben.”

“Fashionably late, as ever.”

“Ben… I need to know, just tell me.” 

“You know, I was afraid you might never come. But, Rey, I am so happy that you did.” 

Relief flooded her mind, overjoyed to hear those words. She was unable to stop herself from giving him the biggest, happiest smile she had ever given in her whole life. Ben watched for a moment, taking in her beautiful smile. He felt it, too. It was as if the whole world was right again. The stars realigned for the pair, no other obstacles in their way. 

Rey now knew what she really wanted. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to be in love and have that love returned in equal measure. She wanted Ben Solo, she wanted all of him. The fights. The messy things that come with a relationship that is often left out by mainstream romance novels. The trust and reliance, that their hearts would be safe in the other’s hands. She wanted all of it and, at that moment, all of that seemed possible. 

“Ten, nine, eight...” 

Rey dipped her head, closing the already short distance between them. The tip of her nose grazed his as her eyes searched his for permission. Her heart pounded hard like a war drum. His breath was warm as it brushed across her face, laced with the heavy smell of alcohol, but she did not care if he was drunk. Rey needed this. His breathing hitched as her lips skimmed his.

“...three, two, one-Happy New Year!” 

Finally, as if an eternity has passed, Rey crashed her lips into Ben’s. They were soft, warm, comforting. They tasted like whiskey. They tasted like the subtleties of petrichor. They tasted like home as if she were always meant to be here, with her lips pressed to his. Her heart exploded within the confines of her chest. Her soul gushed, burning for him. 

His grasp tightened on her hips as he let out a soft sound of approval, yearning. Rey could not help but return a moan as he pulled her hips down to him. Rey parted her lips to him, begging him to move with hers. How could anyone feel so right? It was always him and she cursed herself for denying it for so long. Rey peppered kisses on Ben’s lips, his cheeks, his chin, his jaw; everywhere she could reach. She pulled her face from his, looking over his angular face. She traced his jawline, followed the sloping upturns of his cheekbones, before landing back on his dark eyes and studying them. 

“I love you, Ben.” Her words stirred something in his eyes. Awe, shock, amazement, contentment. Ben’s stupid, wonderful smile spread over his lips as he looked back at her. 

“I love you, too, Rey.” 

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

Just two weeks ago, neither Rey nor Ben would have thought that either of them would be here in Ben’s childhood room, on his bed. The hem of Rey’s dress was bunched up at the top of her thigh as Ben sat on his knees in between her legs with his body hovering over her. It was late, long after the party had ended. Rey was nervous, not because she had never been in this situation with a man before, but because he was the first man that meant something more than a quick fuck. 

Her legs were trembling and her breath was shaky. Rey struggled to make eye contact as she studied the exposed patch of skin left on display from the half unbuttoned dress shirt. The skin was smooth, stretched across lean muscle. Rey bit her lip as she flicked her eyes up, catching Ben's astute gaze. His black locks hung messily around his face, framing his features. The lights were off, only the bright moonbeams to light their way. The shadows deepened his fiery stare, cutting out his strong cheekbones, and brought to life just how real this moment was. 

This was the calm. The jumping-off point. If they made a move now, then there would be no going back. A storm was rolling in between them, bringing irrevocable, unrefined passion that would throw them deep into throes like crashing waves. This storm has had twenty-five years to brew, cultivating the perfect crescendo. Rey and Ben felt that with every beat of their heart. They felt it when each touch felt like a searing fire. They felt it with every kiss that left them yearning for more. 

So, with false confidence, Rey took her hands to the untouched buttons of his shirt freeing them. Slowly, she worked her way down as more and more of his torso was exposed. She bit her lip harder as her eyes traveled with her hands. Ben lifted himself, shrugging the article of clothing off his shoulders and casting it to the floor without a second thought. 

Rey sat up with him, her eyes level with his abdomen, tracing the line of hair that disappeared into his belted trousers. She brought her hands to the cinched pants, unbuckling it. Her eyes shot up to him, not a word spoken, and stayed there as she pulled the belt from the loops of the pants. Rey let her lip go from her teeth as it rebounded back to its place. Ben brought a large hand to her face, catching her chin delicately, and tilted her face upward. 

Rey melted into his warm hand. But it left too quickly as his touch turned rougher and his fingers went to the back of her head, grabbing the falling updo. Ben shifted as he bent down to her and brought his lips to hers with an energy that matched the quality with which he tugged on her hair. It was rough, hard, and passionately desperate. Rey whined at the pain mixing seamlessly with pleasure. Ben pushed into her with his weight, making them fall back to the bed. His hard length pressed against her thin panties as his body settled on top of her. She felt her core clench around nothing as she cried into his kiss. 

His hand at the back of her head tightened, pulling her hair harder as she felt his body tense against her. He brought his free hand to the skin of her arm with heavy fingertips, trailing them down her body. They felt good as they fell over the skin of her thigh, but quickly his large hand took her leg up, pulling her closer to him and breaking the kiss. Rey panted up at him as her eyes found his again. They were on fire, burning her where she laid. 

Those blazing eyes never left hers as his hand went up the soft skin of her legs, pushing the hem up further. He released her as she sat up, turning her back to him. Ben needed no instruction as his hands flew to the zipper, undoing it. Rey shrugged the material off her shoulders before Ben took over in pulling the dress off of her. Rey helped by lifting herself as the dress slipped off her body. There she was, naked and nervous, in front of a man she had wanted her whole life, even if this was a new realization. 

His eyes took her in. He traced her collarbones, examined the small mole on top of her breast, followed the curves of her waist, etched the lacy pattern of her panties, but then he looked back up into her eyes. Rey’s breath hitched at the look in his eyes. The fire that roared there moments ago was now replaced by hunger, a greedy yearning. Rey shivered at how she felt she was being eaten alive by just one look, she relished in it. 

Normally, she would feel so awkward and self-conscious over her nakedness, but Ben left no room for those feelings as he worshiped her body with his eyes. Steady and confident hands moved towards her as her lips part in anticipation of what was coming. Broad, warm hands took her firmly by the hips and held her tightly. Before she could protest, his fingers looped around the material, pulling them down her legs. 

Ben watched his hands as they moved down her sun-kissed legs before his eyes flicked to the folds of pink wet flesh. Her breathing turned harsh watching him stare at her, feasting on the sight bared to him. She felt safe and warm here in the dark room alone with Ben Solo. Rey reached out to him, offering her hand to him. Ben took her hand gently as Rey began to pull him to her, kissing him sweetly. She let go of his hand to focus on the button of his pants, one of the last remaining articles separating them. She gripped the waistband, already taut around him, tugging it slightly before snaking her hand towards the clasp. Ben moaned against her lips when her fingers grazed his skin while taking hold of his pants as she unfastened the button and zipper. Rey tugged again on the sides of his pants, eager for them to come off. 

Ben’s lips left her hastily as Rey watched him jump from the twin mattress. He looped his thumbs around his boxers and pants, bending slightly as he pushed the articles down. Rey bit her lip as the hem of his clothes crept down slowly, taking in the skin exposed as he went. She watched the trail of hair leading from his belly button grow thicker as his pants drifted down. He stepped out of his pants and kicked them away. 

He was perfect. She bit her lip harder as she took in the rise and fall of lean muscles in his torso, chest, arms, and legs. Ben stood there in all his towering, dark, glory; proud in front of her. Her eyes dropped to his hard cock, matching the rest of him in its girth and length. Rey let go of her lip and held her hand out to him again, beckoning him back to bed. Ben obliged her, taking confident steps towards her and climbing onto the mattress. He crawled from the far end, edging towards her. 

Rey opened her legs to him as crept between her legs. She could feel her legs shake as he came closer to her, her stomach fluttered with nerves. Why was she so nervous with Ben? She had known him her whole life. But this—this was different. This was intimate and personal, more so than anything she had ever experienced before. Ben, infuriating, wonderful, unabashed, beautiful, crazy, amazing. _It’s you, it’s always been you_ , she thought to herself as his head dove to the crook of her neck and planted a kiss there. His breath was warm as it brushed her skin. Rey melted into it, letting it set her afire. His lips were soft and pillowy as they peppered kisses along her neck, her shoulder, her collarbone, anywhere he could reach. She sighed, telling him she liked his delicate attention. 

Rey’s jaw dropped when, suddenly, ecstasy rushed through her. Broad fingers had snuck their way to her pooling wetness, edging the entrance to her pussy and teasing her with pleasure. Ben bit her neck as she moaned and pushed herself further onto his fingers. She threw her head back when his fingers began to trace her. He took the back of her neck, lifting it up to him for a searing kiss. She bit his lip with force as he began to thrust his hand harder into her. Ben moaned against their hard kiss when Rey released his lip, distracted by the feeling of his fingers moving inside of her. 

Her hand leapt to his chest, lightly digging her fingernails into the smooth skin and trailing down his torso. She wanted to touch him, take in the warmth of him, make him feel alive. Ben gasped lightly when the pads of her fingers continued down to his cock. It was soft to the touch, but underneath the flesh lay rigid muscle that was aching for her. Moving to the head, she took his erection in her hand. She kept a firm grip on his cock, matching his pace. His head dove for her neck as his teeth sunk and a loud moan sunk into her skin. Ben’s hand faltered as he shuddered against her, but Rey kept stroking him. 

“God,” he sighed into her ear as he took the lobe into his mouth. Rey mewled at him. She loved the way he sounded. She loved that he felt pleasure when she touched him. 

Suddenly, Ben withdrew his fingers from her and caught Rey off guard. She did not want him to stop. She wanted him to touch her forever, making her body feel alive with small fires and coursing blood. He looked down at her as he sat back on his heels. His eyes were darker than ever with an intense hunger that made Rey clench around nothing. 

“Are we really doing this?” He asked in a husky and breathy voice as if the moment really had not caught up to him yet. 

“If you’ll have me,” Rey replied nervously. After how she had treated him, did she really deserve him? 

“Yes,” Ben said, leaning down to place a hard kiss on her lips, “a thousand times, yes.” He took up her face in his hands, kissing her again. It was feverish and passionate as they moved their lips with one another, relishing in the sublime touch. 

Ben repositioned himself between her legs, the head of his cock just brushing her clitoris. Fuck, she wanted him more than she had ever wanted anything. She wanted to feel him fill her completely. She wanted his hand wrapped up in her hair, pulling the strands with force. She wanted him to kiss her as she had never been kissed before. She wanted to feel his warm breath on her skin like a sensual breeze. And, God, she would do anything just to hear his moans that were deep and breathy. Rey cried out and bit her bottom lip just thinking about it. She looked down. Ben’s heavy body was just hovering above hers, his cock waiting to push inside of her. Rey found herself clenching again at the sight of it with anticipation. 

Her eyes found his hungry ones again, yet they were softer now. As if something had fought for control to be there. Was he nervous, too? Or was he in awe of the beautiful creature that lay beneath him? Their hearts both pounded in their chests. Their eyes locked with one another's. Both of them felt nerves mixed with the suspense of what came next. Rey gave him a small nod as he bit his lip, his hand dipping towards his length. Ben’s mouth fell open as the crown touched her soaking entrance. Rey followed his eyes as they darted to her lips. He rushed for them with haste, kissing her. But this one was not hard or hungry, it was gentle and sweet. Rey whined against the kiss, throwing her arms around his neck when he pushed inside of her. 

Rey moaned deeply at the sensation of him stretching her, filling her. Ben gave his own groan of ecstasy against her lips as he stopped. He broke their kiss as he continued to push inside of her tight, wanting core. Rey dug her nails into his back, signaling him to stop again. She needed to get used to him. Her hips began to slowly push against him, allowing more of his length deeper into her, relishing every inch. Their moans and hearty sighs filled the air around them as they took each other. Both connected, whole and loved, both consumed and enthralled all at once. Feeling as if the whole room had drifted away from them; it was them, and only them, encapsulated here in this private moment. How could anything feel so—so right? As if their whole lives had led them into each others’ loving embrace? Every choice, every thought, every path chosen and not chosen, leading here to them together. He was there right in front of her this whole time and she had been so blind. It has always been him, always. 

Ben kissed her again as he thrust into her, taking up her hair in his hand as if to further anchor himself to her. Rey’s cries were muffled by his lips pressed to hers. He pulled out of her and crashed his hips back into her at a delectable pace. Rey bucked with him, moaning with each breath she drew as Ben matched her with equal measure. He sounded so lost and focused on her at the same time. He was being gentle, passionate, and eating her alive all in the same instance. 

Her skin was alight in a spreading fire, her breaths heavy and ladened with ecstasy, and her heart beating solely for this perfect moment. His lips left hers as they began to explore her neck, peppering kisses there with each hard, tantalizing thrust. She clamped down around him in a shooting wave of euphoria. Ben faltered in his movements and cried out, but his sounds sent her further into that wave. She rode it out, moving her hips in sharp bucking motions. Ben bit her neck, panting, and pulled her hair tighter. She whimpered at the pleasurable pain. 

“Rey,” he sighed as his teeth let go of her skin and he began to continue his pace. Her name sounded like heaven leaving his lips, never knowing that she had needed to hear how he would moan her name. It was a needy whisper backed by nine years of yearning, and Rey knew how he felt. 

Rey put her hand to his chest, stopping him. Ben’s eyes shot up to her as if to ask what was wrong, but nothing was wrong. She sat up, pulling him out of her as she went. She took his broad shoulders in hand and maneuvered out from underneath him to push him down onto the bed and climb on top of him. His large frame hit the mattress as it fell heavily onto it. Rey drove her lips to his, taking them with greedy intent. Ben reacted almost immediately, moving his lips with hers as he took his cock in hand, holding it steady for her. Rey instinctively lined herself up with him, probing herself with the head. Ben and Rey moaned against the kiss, moaning more richly as she slid herself down his hard length. The kiss broke when Rey sat up to throw her head back as Ben thrust upward into her, hitting the furthest extent of her core. The sensation coursed through her whole body, taking over her senses.

When his hands took her by her hips, it was as if she were reeled back to reality. Her head snapped back to look down at him. Her hair was wild and her mouth open to let out the almost constant moans. His hands lifted her with ease, taking her to the tip of the head. Ben attempted to pull her down on him, but she resisted his request.

He cocked an eyebrow at her as if to ask, _What are you doing?_

 _Teasing you. What can’t handle it?_ Rey shot him a sly smile as if she had something he wanted but she refused to give. 

Quickly, her overconfident smile disappeared. A hand left her hips to trail up her skin delicately, but his expression did not match the manner in which he touched her. It was stern and concentrated as his dark eyes followed his hand up toward her shoulder-length hair. His fingers twirled a piece of hair for a moment, taking in the soft quality of it, before he forcibly took a large section of it and pulled hard. Vigorously, he pulled her to his face, but not for a kiss. 

“Brat.” His voice was no longer breathy as he tilted his head and took her lips into a feverous and greedy kiss. Rey moaned into his mouth as he forced her down his cock again, crying with vibrancy from the pleasure. 

Faster now, their hips crashed and ground against one another as they paced themselves with a yearning to finish. His touch turned needy as his hands took a tighter hold on her hips as she rode him. She loved the look on his face; it was hard with determination as his lips parted in soft sighs and groans. They needed each other more than ever, needed to release the spring that was beginning to wind tighter and tighter. It was pooling now, with each entrancing touch and intoxicating thrust, into a blazing fire that would burn them to embers.

Rey’s senses were overpowered by him. He smelled of sweat,like a musty wood. His lips tasted like honey as she kissed him. His angular features set in ecstasy with strands of hair pressed to his temples. His body felt good as he was sheathed inside of her, taking her completely. His moans filled her ears like a song composed solely for Rey. Ben was like a deadly, inebriating, poison mixed to perfection for her, subtly weaving its way through her and taking over entirely. And, at this moment, she did not care; she would drink deeply from him for an eternity. 

She needed more of him, all of him. She needed the bad and the good. She needed his fierce passion. She needed the dulcet yet rich moans. She needed his heavy hands to push himself deeper inside of her, taking her closer to the edge of oblivion. She needed all of it. Did he need it too? Rey wanted him to take it. Take all of it. Take her heart, hold it closely. Take her soul and love it, dearly. Take all of her, use her entirely, but never throw her away. 

Her body ached and cried to be released from this. To be released from the tension that was building and building. 

Did Ben sense it? Did he need to be released as she did? Rey drove her hand to her throbbing clitoris and began to touch herself as she rode Ben’s cock faster. She watched him as he watched her touch herself. He bit his lip with force before squeezing his eyes shut. He released his lips as hash breaths left him through clenched teeth. Yes, he needed the release just like Rey did. They were both desperate for the end. Rey clamped harder around him at the thought he had to hold himself back from cumming because she touched herself. She needed to finish, she told herself as they worked in unison. 

At first, it was like a river that flowed smoothly, coursing and rushing downstream. Then the river was met with a dam, stopping it in its tracks with the water rising to meet the barrier. The pressure built as it rose and rose, weakening the integrity of the structure. With each thrust, with each stroke, that dam cracked further, bringing them closer to the floodgates bursting open. And, suddenly, neither of them had much longer. Their eyes squeezed shut, breathy moans were almost continual, movements short and feverish. 

Rey could almost taste it. As she focused on Ben, it tasted like sweet honey and fire. She focused on how he breathed or how he moaned as she rocked on top of him. She focused on how her body responded to his. Their moans dissipated into hard breaths as the dam crumbled further. They crashed into each other one last, final time. Their bodies seized mid-motion, their breathing hitched in their chests, and muscles clenched. Rey felt as if her body had exploded with a rushing euphoria that overtook her completely. 

The French have a phrase to describe what her senses were riddled with, _la petite mort_ , the small death. It is a physical state of being, and a spiritual one. Rey lost herself in it completely, surrendering herself to Ben. She felt her soul leave her body and tie itself to him in that pivotal moment. Rey moaned more boldly now, matching what her insides felt like. Exploding and writhing in ecstasy.

Ben let out a guttural moan as his thrusts faltered. His body went rigid with his eyes shut tight and his mouth open in awe. Rey watched him come and felt him fill her completely and utterly, in every sense. A shiver ran up her back as she watched the intimate scene play out before her, taking in the profundity. Her breathing came in gasps as her body unwound, the raging river settling back into its bed, and she waited for Ben’s eyes to open. As she waited she could not help but be stunned by the man beneath her. Rugged and handsome, yet boyish. Strong features offset by the soft slopes of his cheeks and jaw, and the loose black curls that lay framing his face. He was perfect, especially here shrouded in the dark with her. Ben was hers; and she, his. 

His deep eyes, almost black in the night, opened to her looking down at him. She could not help giving him a toothy smile and giggling when he looked up at her. Ben reflected the dumb smile she gave him as he joined in laughing with her, both dumbfounded by the events that had transpired between them. Rey collapsed on top of him, his cock still twitching inside of her. Her breaths began to fade into slow, deep breaths.

As they laid there together in the dark, both felt that this is exactly where they needed to be. Here, in each others arms forever.

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄

**Author's Notes:**

Well has this not been a fun journey? The drama? The wordless conversations? The flirting? The emotionally stunted antics? I hope that you all loved this story as much as I have writing it! You guys have been the best and I love each and every one of you!

Follow me on Twitter to stay up to date with what random thoughts I am having and what I am working on! See you guys later!

Twitter: ProcessedHuman

With love,

E


End file.
